Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our dog has hurt her neck and we feel so bad for her.  She's all drugged up and all but immovable.  Tone of voice is everything with her, though she has quite a few words she knows.  It's a dark and dismal day with a sprinkling of rain, and we're being very quiet to keep her calm and our other dog from getting too bouncy around her.  Poor baby with a sympathetic tone is the order of the day.

I feel like perhaps we should all have an occasional day like this, when all is quiet, as in the Christmas song.  No words.  Not a retreat exactly, but a soothing, restful day with tasks getting done, but gently.  A break from the barrage of words and even thoughts of the holidays.  It will all get done, and there really is no rush.  Peace be upon us.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My younger daughter and I had a talk about comparisons and ranking yesterday.  She was disturbed by someone doing it, though it was supposedly in fun, and I told her Buddhists feel that comparisons are unwholesome.  They don't serve any positive function.  Our culture gets us in the habit and before we know it we are ranking friends, restaurants, experiences.  I used to ask the kids when they were young which was their favorite painting in a museum, but that was to get them talking about art.  I feel I've judged myself and others too harshly at times.  And judgement is what comparisons are about.  One week your college team is number 4 and the next number 12.  Does it matter?  Only if you are unable to enjoying watching the playing irregardless of the score.  If the playing is good, who cares who won in the 24th inning?

Comparison is often about unconscious habits and insecurity.  We feel others are judging us so we get in our lick first.  We want to be loved, even by those whom we're not even close to.  It's a conversation habit as well, discussing which restaurants and what we ordered.  It is trying to connect, but it is more than informational, because it seems to matter whether you've been or not.  Since I've mostly never been, and never will go, for me the connecting doesn't happen.  I do enjoy hearing the descriptions though, and I'm happy that this night out has given the person pleasure.  So it's mixed. 

I swore off comparisons quite a while ago, and I've felt happier since.  It's like a snapping turtle that you can hold from the back, but suddenly the neck swoops around and you're bitten.  Better not to pick up the tricky critter!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had a small, cosy Thanksgiving at our son and daughter-in-law's house, where the talk was mellow and mostly about the meal, as it took all of us to get all the food prepared and heated and ready.  Our right speech wasn't speech at all, but taking turns holding the baby.  He was fussy at first then settled in to a deep sleep with whichever of us was holding him.  His little warm body, fuzzy head and soft skin melted all of us.  There was no need to making sweeping statements of gratitude:  we were all aware that this new little person in our family was a great blessing.

We didn't talk politics, though we are pretty much in agreement on most issues, and we are all so interested in food preparation that we shared our recipes and complimented each other, pleased with the results.  Then we divided the leftovers fairly and each went home with a treat for another day.  Our younger son and older daughter called us, and we had a message from the stepmom of the older two kids, and our circle was complete.  I feel so blessed with our family, and our intentions to embrace each other and expand the love. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Thanksgiving is about right speech:  gratitude.  Whether we articulate gratitude in a prayer before the meal or not, our hearts, when we are with loved ones, enlarge with belonging and connectedness.  I know there is a movie out right now about a disfunctional family, and I enjoyed Jodie Foster's movie a few years ago about the secrets and lies and turmoil in a family during a holiday reunion.  There is some of that in the mix of every family.  So we're not perfect; at least we're trying.  Families if they are wise call a truce around the table and the football game on TV and the walk among the colorful fall leaves.  They attempt to not take offense at an offhand remark and change the subject if a political debate is about to ensue. 

If most Thanksgiving get togethers don't meet our expectations, then we need to see what is, not what we'd like it to be, and appreciate the effort to come together and the fortunate situation we find ourselves in when eating too much is a problem and the kids drive us a bit crazy.  We have kids that drive us crazy and that is a blessing. 

I used to go to classrooms and describe the REAL first Thanksgiving, from the Indians' point of view.  Who really helped who and how that model of cooperation and trust was quickly destroyed.  Not out of bitterness, but out of the stone cold fact of interdependence necessary to life, all life.  We began on the right note, then people turned against each other out of fear of the other, misunderstanding and greed.  That lesson is always and forever relevant.  We need to recognize our interdependence as a nation and that our diversity enriches all our lives.  I for one am grateful.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today we had a brief rain, but it was encouraging.  The garden sighed in ecstasy.  The dogs were vastly relieved when I got out the leashes.  They even leaped around a bit, like puppies, elderly though they are.  I liked wearing my raincoat and rubber clogs.  I felt like Christopher Robin.  The weather forecast, which is almost always inaccurate speech, was wrong about the duration and amount of rain, but hey, they're only human.  It was the perfect day to talk to my friend up north.  And since she felt the same, that's exactly what we did.  We had semi-serious topics and trivial pursuits.  We were catching up and checking in and witnessing each others lives.  After that connection, I'm ready for a few mundane tasks and dinner preparation and reading in one of the three books I'm currently juggling.  I have a Buddhist book, a memoir and a book about racism as experienced by one very perceptive man.  I can listen to my new Adele CD.  All is right with the world. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We saw the film "Spotlight" today, and what struck me was the silence that was the evil.  Many people knew about the pedophilia in the Catholic Church in Boston, but the conspired to keep it a secret and those who wanted to expose the truth were pressured to not address an issue that was causing more and more children to be molested without any concern for stopping a widespread practice.  The victims were thus shamed further by the secrecy and sense that they were going against God and the church if they spoke up.  They believed they would hurt their families.

Children had no rights, not even the right to be safe with priests and in the church.  Right speech is telling not just for your own spirit but to prevent further abuse.  There are children to protect and defend, and few took up that cause.  Even now this behavior is protected rather than the children and now adults who have suffered for their trust in their faith.  I can't imagine a worse betrayal.

The film is powerful and engrossing without being melodramatic or sensationalistic.  I hope many people will see it.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I was visiting my new grandson the last couple of days, and he's beginning to speak.  He coos and imitates sounds and seems to say hi.  His communication efforts are greatly appreciated by all the family.  There are smiles now and excitement as he listens to us and responds.  What a miracle a baby is.  He is only six weeks old, but he's such a person in his own right.  The thrill of language and speech will be felt again because of him.  Right now tone is of the essence, but in a few months he will be really understanding what we say, and he will be venturing his own brand new shiny words.

The joy of new life reminds us that there is so much joy in living and that all the miracles are the little, everyday ones.