Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've been with my baby grandson the last three days, and right speech is talking to him, mimicing his sounds and repeating sounds for him.  Inside that amazing little mind is the ability to quickly learn to understand and then to speak.  Lots of singing also goes on.  His name is in the songs and they are about wild babies and riding around town (while we're rocking) and how much he's loved and introducing him to his home.  His sounds are delightful.  He is responsive and big eyed about this brand new world.

And looking at the world through his eyes it is new and bright and glorious.  The shadows on the walls, the lines in a fabric, the lights in on the ceiling:  all so magical.  Baby view is the way to see life, for sure.  And when they're around us, they gift us with joy and gratitude.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I spoke up for someone this morning, I hope in a good way.  Road Scholar had sent me a thank you note for pushing a woman in the group in her wheelchair at the museums, and it was not myself but another woman with the same first name who did it.  So I called and left a message that I hoped they would write another note to the right woman, because I felt she'd gone above and beyond the call of duty and that the leader should have asked each of us to push for an hour so no one would be burdened with the care of this person, who was supposed to be be able to walk and was difficult to boot.  I felt offended that the leader couldn't distinguish the two women with the same first name in a group of sixteen.  So not only was I appalled for the woman who should have received a thank you, and felt invisible to the leader.

This woman in the wheel chair did upset me from the very first moment she sat down with my friend and I and proceeded to be rude and critical at every juncture.  I was polite with her each and every time, but she seemed a bully.  Then to discover that she expected to be pushed around in a wheelchair at museums meant she needed help that she had not prearranged for.  She might have brought a companion, informed Road Scholar ahead of time (maybe she did) and made a general request to all of us.  I did push a bit the first day and carefully opened doors for her throughout, if I was around, but she ended up isolating the woman who took on the task, and I'm pretty sure she went where she wished, and ordered the other woman about.  Yes, I know, that woman should have spoken up, but I would have waited for rescuing from the leader and I'm afraid she might have been the caretaker type, who gets sucked in easily.  Again, her problem.  But I see it ultimately as a failure of the leader.

I really hope I'm wrong and the other woman with my same first name was happy to be of service and enjoyed the company of the woman.  I'm afraid I would have been tempted to push her into the bushes!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

It's hard to make a case for right speech when there is so much wrong speech coming out of the mouths of Republican candidates.  Hate speech in some instances.  And I read this morning in the newspaper that Republicans believe Trump will be the most viable candidate with Ben Carson second.  Does this mean they see this speech as normal and representative?  I sure hope not.

But people have been desensitized by television and the internet.  Somehow racist, sexist speech has been mainstreamed into our culture.  I'm disturbed.  There seemed to be, in the past, an understood line that one did not cross whatever private feelings or opinions one held.  But now there is no privacy, and everyone is exposed to ignorance, prejudice and the blame game.  How do we recoup our sense of decency?  It's certainly not going to happen if speakers are rewarded for hate.  It really seems to have come to bread and circuses.

I'm saddened.  I've nothing against Republicans, but I don't recognize what they've become.  Is it really okay to say anything, when you are aspiring to the highest office?  How will these people behave if they are in positions of power?  They would speak for our country and to other nations, and it seems as if the disintegration of relations with other countries would follow.  Do we no longer want coexistence and peace in the world? 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today's dharma talk was about fooling ourselves with our identities and labels, and being unable to see through them to who we really are.  Something deeper unites us.  Getting hung up in being a "wife", "mother", "woman", "teacher" makes us struggle to fit ourselves into these labels, and we smother ourselves often.  I've often felt like a fraud, as if I wasn't a good enough "grandmother", when that is really because I'm not that label, I am a stack of labels, fluidly ebbing and waning, but the fit is not right and comfortable with any of them.

And then he told us never to call others names and not to criticize others either.  We're all guilty of those uses of speech and I felt very guilty when he mentioned it.  I'd just been saying some critical remarks about a third party to a friend, and I immediately regretted my speech.  It's unfair, and I am disturbed at the very thought that someone would try to sum me up or judge me in the way I was judging this person.  My Buddhist teacher told the story of a man who called another a monkey, and karma made him endure 500 lifetimes as a monkey himself.  My teacher realized as and adult that the story was metaphorical, but as a child he worried he was going to turn into a monkey if he slipped and called others names.  It caused him to be very careful of his speech.  As I'm resolved to be more careful of mine.  Lest I begin swinging from trees.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband and I saw the movie "Bridge of Spies" a few days ago, and both of us felt it exceeded our expectations.  There is a message embedded in the essence of the film that talking can work wonders, and deescalate tensions that might harm the many.  Diplomacy was at it's height then.  No one wanted another world war, and all sides wished to avoid violence.  The viewer gets the feeling that our current Congressional impass is because this art, and it is an art, is devalued.  Now people want dramatic statements and acts that draw the attention of the media.  Secrecy, and conversations involving negotiations are devalued.  The public has the right to know.  But it has turned out that the public is in the line of fire for judgment, hatred and sensationalism.  Witness the Bengahzi hearings.  There is much posturing and no information.  Like Bernie Sanders, we are fatigued with this public display.  Not everything can be reality TV.

We have a counter example of the old fashioned diplomacy in Pope Francis encouraging Cuba and the U.S. to loosen up their ancient stances and come to agreement on reasonable relations.  So the old way is not dead.  And there is every indication that John Kerry is working tirelessly behind the scenes to make tensions in the Middle East ease a bit.  But this understanding of diplomacy takes thought and a belief that this is a skill not everyone possesses.  Therefore we have to leave diplomats to the necessary privacy of their calling.  Yes, they are ultimately responsible to us.  But they are not required to entertain us and expose every step of their decision making.  We have a representative government, not a circus.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had a walk with a friend yesterday, and I appreciated the talking being mild and gentle.  This friend and I can get at odds pretty quickly, so I'm happy when the discussion is easy.  She brought some love letters between her parents that her brother had found recently.  I read one from each parent and then she selected one of each to read aloud to me.  They were from the 1920's and very touching.  Both were Swedish, from farm families, and living in North Dakota.  She was 19 years younger than he.  There was a lot of reference to God and prayer, as they were both Pentecostals and met at a night prayer meeting in a tent.  There was so much gratitude in the letters, though she had lost her mother at two and her father remarried and lost wives several times afterward.  Her older sister fell in love and followed a man to New York, and when he rejected her, she killed herself.  It was a hard life on the prairie, and yet, and yet, they loved passionately, married quickly, and had five children.  They spoke of their good fortune instead of their hardships.  She couldn't afford a wedding or a dress, and he had to postpone the honeymoon until after the corn was harvested.  Their religion gave them hope and strength.  I was touched and their loving words, so many decades later, being discovered and appreciated by their children.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I deeply appreciate Joe Biden's announcement yesterday that he was not running for President.  The transparency of his grief and the process, owned up to so publicly, is an example for the rest of us.  He took care of himself and his family first, and acknowledged what all of us know, that grief is not so simple or as speedy as we might like.  Grief hits in waves, it distorts our decisions, it saps us of energy, and it takes its own sweet time to work its way in each of us.  We make a timeline at our peril.  I feel the health of Vice President Biden and his family has been considered seriously and wisely.  We ignore or push grief aside only to find it relentless in its pursuit of us.

I appreciate President Obama being at his side when he made this announcement, and the respectful coverage of this private decision made public.  I'm sure Biden would have made a terrific candidate, but the intention must not be to fulfill his dead son's dream for him, but for him to be in robust health in mind and body.  The dead are dead, and the living must assess their limits and multiple responsibilities.  Now the Bidens can care for their son's grandchildren better and more often, they can take pauses for their own waves of grief, and they can remember their son and support his family.  That is the highest calling and the greatest honorable behavior.  Bless them.