Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I was listening this morning to my dharma teacher's livestream talk, and he addressed the suffering in the Unlraine, Darfur and the Sudan with helpful advice for me. He said we must bear witness and not blind ourselves in order to be more comfortable. The world is this place of suffering, but humanity can offer compassion instead of hate, and do what we can to cause these people caught up in war to be seen and hopefully helped. We've all got compassion fatigue, as he put it, but we should open our hearts wider, not close up. If we love humanity we have to see it clearly and honestly, not as we wish it was. When I think about suffering, I know there are events that we cannot change, like my daughter's death, and ones we can if we have the courage to turn and face the ugliness that our instincts push us to escape. I feel I have been doing a pretty good job of getting information in a non-judgemental and non-clinging way: by reading just what I need to and not dwelling on the sensational aspects of the news. I'm informed, but not addicted. I take time out to pray and rest my compassion on the victims. Images are incendiary, so I am careful with my intake. I strive to keep my heart open and my head clear and brave. It's a struggle, a new one every day.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm tired after a long morning walk with my friend. Reading makes me sleepy. I counter that by listening to music these days. Today I put on the Everly Brothers, which transported me back to my early teen years and sock hops and my first love. I still smile when I think about him. Then I put on a three CD set of Michael jackson, and thought of how little of the story we knew, and how tragic his life became. He's not a fave of mine but he sure was danceable. My younger son was a dancer as a kid and played Jackson in a dance production of "Thriller". When we moved here he gave up dance, except for a role in "Music Man" in Junior High School. Then his younger sister took up the mantle and danced through high school. I always loved dance, from toddlerhood through freshman year of college. And if I get a chance, I still cut a rug!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I finished Stacey Abrams' romance novel, "Never Tell" and it was a fun read. She manages a mystery with a romance where the woman retains her dignity and the man is way too good to be true. It has a subplot of abuse that is detailed enough that readers can learn something about domenstic violence, grooming, and the abuse of power. Plus, it's set in New Orleans, at a university. I like that she is not uncomfortable about her romance authorship, and to me it makes her even more human. Like most of us women, she has delved into this genre. I used to read them when I had two toddlers and the bookmobile would stop at married student housing. And let's face it, "Jane Eyre", "Rebecca", the Jane Austen novels, and many other books I read as a teen were for me at the time aobut the romance. Romances teach other things as well: how to stand up for yourself as a woman, to hold out for the guy who is worthy of you, not the slick talker. They promise that if you hold yourself high, so will your partner. I don't know if her romance books will help or hurt her in her quest for Governor, but for me it says she's one of us, and is not afraid to be herself in all her complexity.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've been listening to all my Radiohead CDs today. I danced a bit with some of the songs. It's very danceable music. I bravely tackled the grocery store this morning, as well as the post office. I wanted to mail 3 books to one of my grandsons. This afternoon I cut off two pair of jeans I'd bought and never shortened. It's not a bad job. I was going to take them to the dry cleaners for a professional job, but felt impatient and also, I hate to add to the cost. I like NYDJ jeans but it's hardd to find peptites that I want, and they never have any colors except blue and black. These are green and gray. I do love the pants because they are stretchy and super comfortable, but now that I don't go to the department stores to shop,I can't find anything online. The department stores are very depressing, but there is this local chain not too far from me, and there are jeans and a few other things I like, and at terrific sale prices. I shop for the grandkids there as well, and usually take my grandduaghter there when she visits. Lord knows I've got enough clothes, but a few things are finally wearing out and I've given away all my shoes that don't fit perfectly or I just don't wear. I have a very organized clotthes closet, and no stuff that doesn't fit me right now. I dress for me, in only colors I like, styles that suit me, and for comfort. But I still enjoy the attempt to look pleasant, regardless of my age.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday our older son, his wife and six year old son came down to our area and we met them at our daughter's house, where we had lunch, watched the kids play in the backyard and then took a walk to a nearby park and the three kids played while we pushed them on swings, spun them on gorounds and kept them from falling off slides. It was cold but so nice to get together, and we're all feeling better about exposure, though we wore masks on the walk and inside our daughter's house. I loved witnessing that the youngest grandson has quite a crush on his aunt and uncle, and let them hold him for long periods. I like to believe that when I'm gone they will be a support to each other, as now. When we returned home we had progresso soup and grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner, and watched "Far From the Madding Crowd" a 1979 movie with Julie Christie, Terence Stamp, Peter Finch and Alan Bates. I used to have such a crush on Bates, and I reminded my husband that we saw him in London, live in a theater in the play "Butley" or something like that. We were somewhat confused by the movie so this morning we looked up the synopsis of Thomas Hardy's book. The film was pretty faithful to the novel, but left out a cuuple of crucial plot points that should have been included. Julie Christie was the weak actor in the film. Perhaps, like Elizabeth Taylor, she was too beautiful to believe as a character. They both did better after they aged at conveying emotion. Taylor with "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf" and Christie in "After Her". Today we are taking a break from our schedule: we ate a big breakfast and late, no walk, and no lunch. I'm reading a mystery novel of Stacey Abrams writing as Selena Montgomery and it's pretty good. And fun.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We tried Facetiming with our three year old grandson last night, but, as usual, he was tired and hungry after preschool, and just stared at us. Then I thought of reading to him, which I did, and he ate his dinner while I put on a floor show. That left my husband out, who got grumpy, and our dinner had been delivered and was getting cold, but such our the joys of online communication with the grandkids. When our six year old grandson Facetimes, all we see is the floor or the ceiling while he runs around like a banchee. Luckily, he is visiting my daughter tomorrow so I'll go there to have an in person interaction. we're all tired of Zoom and Facetime etc. I could have done a retreat this weekend, but couldn't stand the thought of a weekend staring at my laptop. Oh well, we actually got some slight rain yesterday and possibly there will be more this weekend. Every little bit helps. At least that is what I tell myself.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My friend yesterday, when we were discussing "The Sentence", said to me, in response to my statement that I hoped a Truth and Reconciliation commission would happen in America for both Indignious Peoples and Black people, that it would never happen. It shocked me a bit, that she would feel so certain that we will never make reparations for our treatment of this portion of our citizens. It seemed too dark and out of character. But I've been thinking about it since, and of course the sheer size of our country versus South Africa or Germany is a difficulty. Is she thinking the schism been red and blue is here to stay? Well, in point of fact, it has always been present in our country, from its founding, and caused a civil war that almost destroyed our union. Perhaps I am the Pollyanna. I believe these traumas have risen to the surface with the spotlight on killings of Blacks and Natives by police, by the increase in hate crimes against all groups, including Asians and Jewish people, and once something rises, it can no longer be covered up. Maybe my friend means we will not live to see it, and that I can believe, because we are in our midseveties and mid eighties. But I know history is cyclical, and therefore there is hope for change. There is no stairway to heaven called progress, but things do change, constantly and sometimes suddenly. Wounds are open because of Covid, but those can be be dressed and healed. I believe that is what Erdrich's book is implying, and I am hopeful.