Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had a busy day going to the bakery, the grocery store and a walk with my husband, but when my friend called to walk I agreed, and after a sandwich we set off together. I find myself smiling a lot around her, because she is so in love with her baby granddaughter and to hear it, the labor was great, the parents are great, and the baby perfect. Of course, it's only been a week, and babies sleep a lot the first few weeks, but why spoil her joy? She is a beautiful baby and I am so very happy for my friend and her daughter, who is one of my daughter's best friends. The tsunami of love for a grandchild is one of the best things about growing older, and just being around her makes me happy. Her son is thrilled to be an uncle, and has flown up the last two weekends to see his niece. They deserve all the delight because my friend lost her husband twentyfive years ago and her kids lost their father. He would have been so thrilled with his granddaughter. The parents named their child after the mother's grandmother, my friend's mother. It turns out that before she died, she asked her granddaughter, if the baby was a girl, to name it after herself, and her granddaughter has. Very sweet!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm exhausted from taking care of my grandsons, 1 and 4, from 8 am until 5 pm. Luckily I have the weekend to recouperate. But next week is two full days of both boys and three days of the one year old. They are sweet, but into trouble constantly and the older hits the younger then the younger bites or pinches. I remember my Dad telling about his older brother hitting him with a plate, which resulted in a scar. This sibling stuff is intense. Because of Covid, they are used to their mom being there every minute, but now she is teaching second grade, so there is a lot of distress and confusion. And the baby is about to go to day care full time - zero to sixty in one fell swoop. I don't know how I did it with four kids, but I'm beginning to think I failed them a lot. Parenting is challenging, scary and you don't always know what's best for your kids. I believe my daughter is doing the right thing to go back to work, but I know she's nervous and fearful that she's hurting the boys. Because as parents we are always conflicted and unsure. But especially us mothers. Guilt is our middle name.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

When my granddaughter finally got up this morning, we had a political discussion at breakfast about the U.S. not being a good country. None of them are, of course, but she is experiencing the disconnect between what she has learned in school and what history really is. She recently found out Columbus was not who she thought he was. She's experiencing disenchantment and feeling tricked. The myths are so different from the reality. I'm proud of her questioning mind, and I can remember when I was similarly shocked: The Bay of Pigs, the Pentagon Papers, and other revelations. I said transparency is always better, however late it is, because then you are forced to accept human nature, and once we know who we really are as a species, we can struggle to rise above selfish motivations. We are animals, and share many of the traits we wish we didn't. As my Buddhist teacher says, we are not as evolved as we'd like to be. It's touching, that at thirteen she wants to tackle these prickly issues, and her mind is an amazing resource for enriching her life. It's also helping her talk about and experience her grief over her mother's death, and feel the unfairness, the injustice in life. Looking hard directly at the pain builds the courage muscle, and also empathy expands. Loss is a part of life, as is bad behavior of humans. But we are not limited by such experiences. We can grow and change and tackle what is right on behalf of those who cannot. There is work to do. And hope.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today I took my foster granddaughter, 16, and my granddaughter, 13, and my younger daughter out to lunch, shopping and for ice cream. We had a lovely time, and my foster has grown so that she is the same height as my daughter. Even the 13 year old is taller than me. They are all three beautiful and so amazingly sweet. I really love them, but seeing the foster again after a year and a half was poignant. She has articulate political opinions and confidence, and the 13 year old held her own as well. Intelligent and passionate, they are just what I'd hoped for. My older daughter was the same as they, and I'm so proud of the females in my family, including my two daughters-in-law. This reunion was wonderful yet I feel overwhelmed: with love, with missing my older daughter, the thirteen year old's mother, and with all the challenges of being female in our culture. I don't want them hurt or their ideals crushed or their minds belittled. I want them to keep their wings on.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We returned from the cabin yesterday after waking up to smoke. It had been windy the day before, and I think one of the fires north of us changed wind direction and made for very unhealthy air. We wore masks as we loaded up our cars, and almost the entire way home the smoke was present. Right now, luckily for us, our air at home is good. We had a nice time at the cabin with our granddaughter, who is thirteen, and she loves to swim, so we spent our time on and in the lake. But people in the mountains are not masking or distancing either, and one day a bunch of people walked up to us and by us as we were picnicing and obviously settled with our canoe pulled up. No adults seemed concerned or respected our space. My husband reminded me that people acted oblivious before Covid, so their narcissism was always hale and hardy. But right now empathy is in short supply, and maybe partly because of the emotional cost of this pandemic. I can understand, but I wish they could too. Don't consciously and deliberately endanger others. It sets a precedent that may bite you later. How's that for pragmatic?!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband and I walked around a nearby reservoir this morning, and we talked about the information floating around about the Delta variant of Covid and what will happen. We both have always worn masks inside, so the new suggestion of masks inside we take in stride, but how much to be worried and how vulnerable we are is confusing and many news sources contradict each other. last week at the cabin I read Michael Lewis' newest book, Premonition, and it paints a dark picture of our healthcare system and CDC. It's not that someone is asleep at the wheel, it's that there is no one at the wheel at all. Local health officers bicker, governors contradict each other, no one seems to have any kind of enforcement power if guidelines are ignored, and no one knows who is vaccinated and who isn't. Our country is loose and disjointed in many ways, and always has been. But healthcare is something we ought to be able to come together on. Such a wealthy country with no will to help others end their suffering and be cared for the way we all wish to be. What the heck is wrong with us?!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've just returned from a week at the cabin with our younger daughter, her husband and two sons. The one year old awoke before dawn every day, and the four year old attempted to poke and tease and get his baby brother into trouble, but mostly succeeded in getting lectures and time outs for himself. They are both adorable, but the sibling rivalry has caused a lot of hitting, biting, poking, screaming and crying. I wanted to help but wisely left it up to their parents. It did jog my memory of being the older of two and being jealous, angry and disgusted with my little brother. I don't think I hit, but who knows. I certainly got spanked with my mother's hair brush and was threatened with my father's belt. I was no angel. I definitely remember getting into trouble by cutting the little neighbor girl's hair off almost to the scalp on one side, climbing on everything and falling and sometimes ending up in the emergency room. So I recognize the naked mischief in my four year old grandson's eyes, but then, everything about my grandchildren reminds me they are complex, dark and light, churning with emotions. It's a jungle in our minds, even when we are tiny. I assume my daughter and son-in-law will mostly solve this conflict over time, but probably not entirely, from what I know. My older daughter thought I didn't curb her older brother well enough. And she may have been right. Siblings are jealous, possessive, and greedy for their parents' attention. I wouldn't miss out on my brother for the world, and the six years since his death hasn't made the loss any less, but our relationship was one of love despite lack of compatiblity, similar interests and gender. These little boys lives are emeshed for eternity, and their parents cannot free them from twists and turns of living and loving.