Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We went to a local beach today and the three cousins loved it. The one year old trapsed out to the water until he shivered so much I brought him back to our spot on the sand and wrapped him in beach towels. The two year old fell in love with a large plastic shovel and either wanted to dig in the sand himself or get one of us to do it. He had no interest in the water. The four year old dug for crabs and found a dead one, then splashed happily in the surf. We all went back to our daughter's house for tacos and the visiting cousin was in ectasy over his two counsins' cornicophia of trucks and toys. He really loved a recycling truck. We all had a great time until the oldest needed his quiet time, the youngest got up from his nap and the visiting cousin was taken home for his nap. It soothes my heart to see the grandchildren playing with each other. The four year old was so sweet with the two year old. I was proud of him. He sent me home with a painted picture of a lobster. Very delicious looking.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I feel much better today, and not glum at all. I talked to my friend at the cabin next door, and she was encouraging and said it was beautiful up there, but she also understood about not wanting to have our two year old grandson have to adjust yet again to a different place, as he's recovering from quite a flu. We'll wait the weekend to make sure neither of us gets his virus, then decide about going up, but probably we'll stay down here because our son, daughter-in-law and grandson are visiting. There was an earthquake at the cabin, and my friend said it had a sound and really shook them, but there was no damage, as it was centered pretty far away. We felt nothing here. She says the lake is way down, because of the drought. It's hot up there, but mitigated by the trees and cooling off at night. I believe the shock of nothing going up triggered other traumas of the past year, and I AM easily thrown for a loop these days. Not my most steady, stable self. But I really enjoy my grandchildren and I'm having fun with the two year old. Tomorrow we see the next oldest two grandsons as well, and that will be lovely.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I am really struggling with my depression. It keeps me from getting out and doing things, and makes me fatigued. I believe that while covid was hamstringing us, I felt in the same boat as everyone else, but now that others are picking up their lives and traveling I cannot quite summon the energy to visit people or go somewhere new or even shop or call people. I need to have some plans besides the memorial service for our daughter in the fall. That she is dead and I'm alive just seems bizarre. I'm disoriented. And the pandemic made me feel that being older is being useless and expendible. I have no value in this culture. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow, and I did take a walk this afternoon by myself, even after we took our grandson for a stroll this morning. I mailed two cards to a friend who is in a care facility as well. But it feels like so many people I love have been ill or died that I can't cope. I can't even find out about my cousin in the midwest, and two aunts have recently died. It's all too much. The bright spot is my son, his wife and our grandson visiting for 3 weeks. The grandson is feeling better each day, and soon we will be able to get outside more and engage in the world. We hope by Sunday to feel he is no longer contagious and we haven't picked the virus up ourselves.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our grandson is feeling better so we went to a nearby park and walked in a grove, and as we walked it seemed to rain on us. First I thought it was the dampness of the trees and the fog, but I realized we were in a tiny microclimate where it was light rain or heavy fog or something, but as we walked out of the grove, it was not wet at all. We are so parched here for rain, and yet in the foothills the weather is radically different. I felt grateful the trees were not suffering there. If we were up at the cabin it would be hot and dry, and down here it is chilly in the morning, sunny in the afternoon, and a light jacket needed when I'm outside. Strange. As we ate breakfast this morning we saw lots of birds around our birdfeeder: stellar jay, scrub jay, juncos, sparrows and others. The squirrels pick up all the seeds dropped on the ground. It's companionable to have them eating nearby and it entertains our grandson, who loves birds. Actually, they all do. The one year old grandson says "caw, caw, caw" when he sees any bird. The older two love birds and can identify quite a few. They have those toy stuffy birds that sing their song when you press them. The two year old staying with us now loves my kookaburra with it's funny laughing song. Kookaburras are my personal favorite, and I adore all kingfishers. They are difficult to spot in the wild, but fascinating. I have seen wild kookaburras in Australia, a memorable sight for me.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yep. Still here. Our grandson is miserable and probably has rotavirus, which toddlers get and hopefully he will feel better by Friday, but we realize taking him up to the cabin is unwise. His covid test was negative, thank goodness, but he still has fever, cough, diarrhea and can't sleep well at all. The cabin is super dry and hotter, and if he can't get comfortable here then there is no point. So now we're aiming for next week, if he gets way better, and in the meantime, strolling him around the neighborhood and just laying low. It's another lesson in "everything changes" and "man plans and god laughs". Right now we couldn't go up without them because we'd have to be isolated from our friends until we're sure we don't have whatever virus our grandson has, especially because my friend's daughter is due in August and it would be horrible if she caught something from us. I'm kind of comfortable in isolation mode by now anyway. I can at least go to the bookstore with a mask on or some local walking and activities. I'm reading the memoir of one of the Central Park Five, Yusef Assam, and it's inspiring and wise. He earned his wisdom the hard way. And I have other books by my bedside. Sing a chorus of "Summer in the City".

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

The best laid plans, and all that. Our younger son, his wife and their two year old arrived yesterday, and we were supposed to drive to the cabin today, but our grandson has a fever and is not eating or sleeping well, so we decided to wait another day, but it's looking iffy. My husband and I have a long standing tradition of being up at our cabin when our friends rent the cabin next door, but we want to see our son and his family, so we're torn, and it's looking like we won't go to the cabin these next weeks, until we go up at the end of the month with our daughter and her family. Because the little grandson is probably contagious, we have to worry about getting whatever he's got ourselves, and maybe he won't be able to see his cousins or others. Our neigborhood has a baby fourth of July parade and we took his to see it distanced from all other people locked in a stroller. I feel depressed, but plans being ruined is pretty universal so I'm trying not to be too upset, since I easily choose my son and his family versus my friends, but I was SO looking forward to the mountains. Well, one day at a time. I'll see what unfolds, whether I want to or not.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm awash in groceries for going to the cabin this weekend. We had to get rid of everything in the refrigerator up there because a tree limb knocked down the power lines for who knows how long. So staples like ketchup and mustard need replacing. And then there are always the surprises, like no dish soap and being out of olive oil. We could go to the store this year, unlike last summer, in a pinch. But it's more of a store for campers and drinkers, if you get my drift. We are all looking forward to the mountain air, and the cool lake and just sitting on the deck staring at the trees. Our friends will be up at the cabin next door, and it's a long tradition with us now, maybe 30 years. Our kids have grown up, married and have kids. They want their kids to experience the lake and the quiet and spectacle of the stars at night. Then there is the occasional excitement of seeing a bobcat, coyote, or raccoon. We've seen a bear only once, and deer only on the ski area road. But the birds are amazing, from six kinds of hummingbirds, mountain bluebirds, juncos, ravens, several kinds of woodpeckers, tanagers, and scrub jays. There are tree frogs dropping from above, and gray squirrels and lizards and snakes. It's a hive of quiet activity. I can't wait to get up there!