Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My friend and I saw "The Darkest Hour" yesterday afternoon.  It was well made and the acting terrific, but it had some scenes that were quite smaltzsy.  Churchill was a complicated man, and that was conveyed well.  The pull of this movie, as with "Dunkirk" may be the simplicity and obviousness of the enemy.  Evil is crystal clear, but maybe only in retrospect.  We hanker for clarity when the water is muddied, as it is now in Britain and here.  Media are messing with our minds and confusing what we used to take as right or wrong.  People are being fired or resigning for actions the President is clearly guilty of.  Dictators are being threatened in language of dictators.  Racism and classism are wrapped up in flags of patriotism. 
The movie does a good job of showing that standing up to evil is sometimes the job of a bully.  But more importantly, it requires the courage to dare to fail and the resoluteness to lead.  It's lonely.  I saw today in the newspaper that an elderly couple who are Nazi hunters will be honored.  To not quit or say it's ancient history while evil sits in its suburban comfort is a lonely hard road.  You have to lead with your heart, not your head.  Very few are able to stand up and name the evil.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband has really been suffering with a cold.  He's tried everything the doctor suggested, and also my ideas, but the cough persists.  I have a deep and abiding impulse to fix things, despite the knowledge that I actually have no magical powers or tricks up my sleeve.  His coughing is keeping him from his chorus rehearsals, which he loves, and may make it difficult or impossible to attend the opera this weekend.  He doesn't have a fever, or bronchitis or a chest cough.  It's a tickle in the back of his throat.  I told him at the beginning of this a week ago that colds take 3 weeks to get over, but he's impatient and exhausted.  He doesn't want to wait that long.  This waiting thing is not something most men can tolerate.  We, as women, wait for puberty, wait for our periods, wait for the baby to be born, wait for nursing to be over, wait for the baby to sleep through the night.  Patience keeps us from useless wailing and whining.  We are better caretakers because of it, and actually, most of us are more faithful friends.  We don't let the bad patches get us down.  We hang in there.  I won't say we'd embrace the cough, but we wouldn't wonder "why me?"  Colds are not pleasant, even when not life threatening.  We are the realists.  Men are the dreamers.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm going for a walk with a friend this morning.  Her birthday is tomorrow and I'm so proud of myself for actually having her present ready to give.  Her birthday is one day off my younger daughter's, and a week from my best friend's, and in amongst holidays and preparing for holidays and I never before have gotten it together enough to honor her on the right day.  So, despite being busy and my husband having the nightmare of all colds, which means his coughing keeps me up at night, I determinedly got just the book I wanted, wrapped it, and signed a card.  It's the little things, isn't it?!  As we get older, it seems somehow more important to honor the natal day.  This person has been special in my life for over thirty years.  We've shared playdates, joys, sorrows and the bumpy ride of life, each having the other's back.  She's a treasure to me, and I want her to know it.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had some gusty winds yesterday and last night.  It makes us here fearful of fire, and today we learned there is a fire in the southern part of the state.  I didn't see any trees fallen when I went out this morning, at least.  Strange days!  Very apocalyptic.  The news is to be avoided and it seems like every grown man has been inappropriate and who knows what else.  I saw a vicious cartoon in the newspaper implying that some women must be lying, because everyone lies.  But did he mean from the male point of view?  I believe so.  Mars and Venus indeed. 
I played Christmas music in the car and shopped for holiday gifts.  I'd just had a CT scan and was determined to be upbeat the rest of the day.  I have so many blessings it's easy to avoid the ugly atmosphere, though not entirely.  As I was waiting in line to pay for some items, the woman in front of me asked the clerk about the shooting last night in the parking lot.  He said no employees had been injured, and she retorted it was why she didn't shop at night.  So I learned of the danger of being a grandma shopping after five pm.  And our President wants conceal and carry everywhere - an equal opportunity bloodbath!  Ah, it's hard to avoid the mayhem in our current culture.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I saw "Three Billboards in Ebbing, Missouri" yesterday afternoon with a friend.  I was disappointed in the film, but really enjoyed the acting performances.  Frances McGormand, Woody Harrelson, Sam Rockwell stood out as complex, contradictory people.  They weren't cyphers for anything.  But the men in the audience laughed too long and too hard, and it disturbed me.  There was some message they thought they were getting that diminished the horror of the grief portrayed in the film.  One other time I remember, when I saw "Monster" starring Charlize Theron, a man keep laughing and being delighted by the murder of women by a woman, and I then thought this movie allows misogyny to be encouraged.  And something about the movie yesterday allowed men to make fun of rape and murder and racism, in a way that seemed complicit.  No women laughed.  This might not have been a failure of the filmmaker but rather a statement of the culture at this time, as my friend suggested.  But coupled with derogatory labels for women flung around, it makes fun of the rape and murder of women every day almost every hour.  I couldn't stomach it.  Don't add fuel to the fire by your word choice.  I believe this film might have been edited in a way that addressed the issues more directly so that the audience cannot get sidetracked by outrageous quips and sudden twists in the plot.  And then, perhaps, the film would better honor the characters it created.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband is still asleep, trying to fight off a cold and cough.  He really had trouble last night, until I suggested he use three pillows under his head.  He probably picked it up on the plane or at his chorus rehearsal.  He loves to sing, but unfortunately he now gets these chronic tickle coughs when he does so.  It's very frustrating for him.  Not much you can do with hundreds of open mouths spraying all around you.  It's kind of like the movie "Outbreak" with the scene in the movie theater.  I'm afraid we're at an age when the things we most love are becoming difficult to do.  I get knee twinges when I carry around my grandsons, he gets the cough when he sings.  We're not as hearty as we were.  Accepting this aging is difficult, even though we all joke about it.  As my Zen teacher used to say:  "Old age is not for sissies".  Yet it brings many blessings as well, such as clarity, a modicum of wisdom, and delightful grandchildren.  Life, as usual, is more complex than it at first seems.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I feel kind of disconnected.  Partially, because I've been away from home so much, and also because my worry for our daughter feels isolating.  I'm trying to remedy the situation by seeing friends one at a time in the next few days.  But as my husband said to our doctor, he was not depressed but sad and stunned.  When an illness hits a family there is shock and an inability to immediately adjust.  We are praying and fighting and worried and without enough information to feel either hopeful or take action.  This is the waiting period.  She's tolerating the treatments, now to see if they are working.  For her it must be much the same only more so.  She's going on about her life, but underneath is the unknown.  She's brave and fierce, and her strength will help.  We only have to emulate her.  And keep connected to everyone who wishes us well and supports us.