Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We saw a documentary film about Jane Jacobs yesterday:  "Citizen Jane:  Battle for the Cities".  I had loved her book "Death and Life in Great American Cities" when I read it years ago, and in the last couple of months I read a biography of her that was fascinating.  I really enjoyed the film, but my husband, who knew nothing about her, didn't like it as much.  He pointed out something I'd completely missed:  there is almost more film time on Robert Moses, her nemesis, than on her.  Maybe I'm used to women's stories being hijacked by men.  But when he pointed it out, I had to agree.  It seemed wrong that Moses should get as much time as he did, especially when it seemed that for people not familiar with Jacobs, like my husband, there was not enough background on her.  There were talking heads who praised and described her, but those as well were male except for a couple.  Moses swallowed up her time in the movie.  Is it just me, or are we all so comfortable with the mansplaining and domination of men in cultural areas that we fail to notice when an imbalance occurs? 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We didn't see the movie "Passengers" in the theater, but we watched it a couple of weeks ago and both found it disturbing.  This morning in the newspaper entertainment section there was an article about why it didn't do well at the box office.  People saw the Chris Pratt character as analogous to a person who commits date rape, only in this case he selects the most beautiful passenger and deliberately wakes her up so he won't be alone.  He thereby ensures she will not make it to the planet or have a choice in her life or friends or partner.  We've all read the newspaper articles about the abductor who is a "lone wolf" and he selects who he will capture and keep for himself.  And Jennifer Lawrence is so beautiful that the film becomes a fantasy where an ordinary guy grabs what he wants but doesn't deserve.  In the film she accuses him of "murdering" her, yet they end up in love.  It's not believable.  But what horrified me was the director and writer insisting it had never occurred to them that people would react to film in that way.  How ignorant and insensitive to women are they?  I bet the slasher film directors and writers wouldn't be so coy.  They know they're creepy and people going into the theater know a sick fantasy is at the center of the attraction.  But luckily, in this particular case, the moviegoers were not buying it.  So the film becomes an example of the insidious culture of date rape and control of women that hurts all of us.  It becomes a lesson.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had a lovely, spontenaeous talk with a friend this morning.  We shared some parenting stuff as we both understand how complex and tricky parenting adult children can be.  Mainly, though I reveled in the fact that I've known her for over thirty years, we've watched each other's children grow up, marry, and have children and we've become grandparents.  And each day, we know that that our time is finite and we want to treasure the rest of what we are given.  We've gone through more than one career each, witnessed our parents die, and felt the loss of people our own age taken too soon.  So every word we speak is measured for truth and honesty.  We appreciate each other.  We are seen.  Whatever our flaws, mistakes or defects, our whole selves are accepted.  We are human, and we have to capacity to love.  That ability transcends all else.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We don't have many examples of right speech out there in the world.  Instead we have our president and congress and a whole bunch of people in love with the sound of their own voices.  Mostly Pope Francis and the Dalai Lama are the only figures showing reason and compassion.  Perhaps being a political leader predisposes a person to wrong speech.  Promises, promises, promises.  When the truth is spoken it is quite dramatic, but gets little attention.  Evidently, it doesn't "sell".  Luckily, I can read books for truth, though finding them is not easy.  I have authors I respect and listen to, both with non-fiction and fiction.  And some films as well.  We are hungry for the truth of our experience, so when a book like The Handmaid's Tale reappears and the TV miniseries pops up as well, we can see past rhetoric to the logical consequence of political decisions.  Let's just not listen to the blowhards.  Find your own sources of truth and protect and support them.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today I had a walk with an old friend.  She asked about my recent trip, but interrupted before I began to describe in detail her last trip.  This is a familiar pattern.  She wants to tell me something, and can't quite stop herself from blurting out something that disturbed her.  I also know to keep my response light and easy.  She often gets mad at what I say in response.  This friend clearly wants to ease herself by telling me and also hearing what I think, but she's at the same time ready to do battle with my response.  She's had a hard life, and I am sympathetic to her vulnerabilities, so I give her slack and try not to rock the boat.  I know she rubs a lot of people the wrong way, but her heart is gold and she does the best she can.  So we have one sided conversations, but at least we've touched base and supported each other by our presence.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I bought two books today written by friend's relatives.  One was an historical romance written by my friend's daughter and other was a non-fiction book written by another friend's son-in-law's brother-in-law.  I'm realizing that the kids are all grown up!  It's their world now, and we are the witnesses to what they do.  I like to think of myself as still an actor, but really, I put no effort into publishing anymore, so it is I who have sat myself on the sidelines.  And it doesn't feel bad at all.  I don't have the energy, and I recognize the fact.  But it gives me great joy to see the younger folk out there, like my older daughter in a recent online magazine.  It's their turn, and I'm eager to listen to their voices.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My Buddhist teacher, Anam Thubten, described in his talk "Right Intention", or beginning the morning each day with the thought to be kind to everyone and every being.  It's simple, and it sets the tone of my speech for the day.  If I open my mouth, I should be doing it for a positive, not negative purpose.  I've been praying at night:  May all beings be happy, may all beings be free.  But praying in the morning makes more sense, because all the activity will be occurring and interactions happening.  So I'm resolved to take the time to set this intention each morning and remind myself consciously that kindness transforms the world.  I have ample proof of this.  So many good experiences have come my way because I was open and friendly to the new, the startling, the different.  I call this serendipity, but it's actually causal.  I have a quote on my bureau from the Dalai Lama:  With love there is no judgement.  Ah, yes.