Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I saw a sweet movie last night:  "The Meddler" with Susan Sarandon.  She portrays a woman who's husband has died and she moves across the country to be near her daughter.  She's at loose ends, and lonely.  You expect that her meddling in other people's lives will end badly, but it doesn't.  People appreciate her in a way her daughter cannot.  Her one failure is getting her daughter back together with her ex boyfriend.  Those scenes are realistic, and the gratitude shown by a young black guy she helps, a woman in the hospital, a young mother who is still wishing for a big wedding, and others feels just as real.  Her becoming a "grandmother" to the young mother's daughter is right.  There is a need and she fills it.  I did this myself ten years ago, and have never regretted it.  The Sarandon character is funny, and sometimes wrong, and way too intrusive around her daughter, but she is dignified, and given her due for struggling about how to go on after her husband's death.  We seldom see on screen older characters so fully alive and multidimensional.  The film speaks about people and situations and feelings that we don't see on screen among the young and beautiful.  I felt respected after the movie was over.  As if someone had seen the "real" me.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had a nice long walk with a friend this morning, and we talked about personal, private stuff that we felt like whining about.  We trust each other enough to appear less than noble to each other.  We're human, and that means getting frustrated and our feelings occasionally being trampled on and disappointments happening.  We can gripe about stuff and know it's just letting off steam.  It keeps us behaving well with the people who raise our hackles.  To me it's healthy.  My friend doesn't think less of me, she feels relieved that less than noble thoughts occur to others besides herself.  It's essential to have a little "saying the wrong thing" time.  So that to the people with whom we are exasperated we can be steady and calm, and not impulsive.
I treasure my friends for this reason as much as for what we do together and advice we sometimes give each other.  A well rounded friend can see you without the makeup and party face on.  The blemishes are there, and it's not a pretty picture, but it's a true picture of your friend.  She's like you, and how comforting is that1

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm done with the colonoscopy and have just had a nice breakfast, so naturally I'm in a rosy state of mind.  The nurses were wonderful and I felt in good hands.  Before I went in and after I returned, I could hear nurses talking to other patients and there was some drama.  One woman had health issues that meant she could not have aneasthia, and would have to reschedule, and another was anxious enough to be talking about his basketball playing son nonstop when he wasn't telling a convoluted story that didn't appear to make any sense at all.  We were certainly a Chatty Cathy group of patients, and the nurses kept up with us and ran around between us.  I heard one nurse assuring the guy she'd be right back to hear the rest about his basketball playing son.  Now that is right speech!
We were all in this thing called health care together, and determined to be cheerful.  Wow! 
I learn a lot about interconnectedness at the doctor's office or with procedures.  I witness compassion, courage and kindness.  I'd like to see the same behavior on the street, at work, at school, at home.  We clearly have the capacity, we just need to exercise it.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm gearing up for a colonoscopy, which means my socializing is dampened considerably.  Eye injection:  check.  Colonoscopy:  check.  Mammogram:  check.  Bone Density:  check.  Next up:  skin cancer exam.  Then the dreaded driver's test.  Luckily, there has been much merriment in between:  a big birthday bash for my husband with the whole crew, an upcoming baby shower for my daughter, a grandson's first birthday, holidays and other birthdays.  Isn't that just the way?!  Life is all mixed up with worry and anticipation and laughter and tears.
Today I'm going to read my murder mystery, eat chicken broth and perhaps talk to a couple of people on the phone.  On the weekend I'll get out and be among humanity more.  Maybe even take in a movie and stroll around the neighborhood.  And eat solid food again.  Yeah!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We've just returned from a long weekend celebration of my husband's birthday, and everything went smoothly for thirteen people plus a baby.  A lot of effort driving and accomodating others was put in by all, and having a swimming pool and lots of places to walk without getting in a car helped a lot.  There was so much right speech and restraint from impulsive speech; all done out of love and respect for each other.  Now we're all back to our respective homes but the glow lingers and the knitting together than occurred is not undone. 
I'm a great believer in ritual.  A friend calls me tribal and that is so true.  Occasions must be marked and honoring done.  It benefits the honoree and the people paying respect.  And fun is an important component.  We want the memories to be light and happy, so that if there are serious touches we don't come away feeling weighted.  And photos help, to bring back the moments.  I'm about to look at mine on my phone, and relive a bit the magic.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today we're leaving for a birthday celebration for my husband.  All the kids and grandkids will be there.  I feel great joy and excitement at the prospect, but also danger at the speech disasters that may be lurking.  I want to be fully awake and careful, yet detached enough to let impulsive speech roll over me.  I'm fortunate that I have a practice that aids me.  My husband does not.  He's anxious, and would suffer either way:  devastated if nothing was done for his birthday yet dreading how he might offend or be offended.  I could tell him to lighten up, but it's not a gear he possesses.  So I have to detach from his anxiety and enjoy my family without rescuing anyone.  Quite a high wire act, but one many of us do when reunions and celebrations occur.  Nothing is simple.  Immediate feeling is intertwined with history and expectation and serendipity.  Swimming in the turbulent waters with all these feelings requires both a letting go and compassion.  We're only human after all.  I'm going to embrace our frailties and foibles and have fun.  And take pictures.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm fascinated by the research coming out of Hungary about dogs and language.  They convinced dogs to remain motionless in a MRI machine for eight minutes to scan their brains and discovered they DO know certain words and respond favorably to positive praise regardless of tone or emphasis.  And how they convinced these dogs to remain motionless without treats or punishment was because the dogs wanted to do what the other dogs were doing, and yes, after the scan, they got treats.  The dogs tolerated headphones and immobilization because they thought it was cool.  And they proved they understood "good dog" no matter how it was articulated.  Their brains were stimulated by praise.
Now that sounds like a fine description of how humans operate as well.  Certainly it is how children learn.  Positive reinforcement, as it is called.  I'm seeing it whenever I visit my baby grandson.  Encouragement makes the brain glow.  We are programed to want to make others happy and do what others do.  It is pretty basic.  In the photo of the dogs on grouped around the MRI machine posed perfectly, their smiles shine with pride.  Seeing it, I can't help but grin with joy.