Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had lunch with a friend yesterday and we discussed this feeling of hatred towards women that is in the air.  Not just the Talaban and Isis but the overstrong reactions against Hilary Clinton.  There is a backlash against women possibly determining their own lives and even running the country.  It's disorienting and disturbing.  I feel assaulted by the rhetoric and the struggle just to get equal pay for equal work and child care that is safe and adequate.  Even in this country there must be a sense that patriarchy is crumbling and a man's home is perhaps no longer going to be his castle.  What has been hidden is seeping out, and it's ugly.
As a woman I want my daughters and granddaughters to see a woman can be president.  She doesn't have to be perfect, just good enough.  It's important.  Only a man could possibly think it isn't.  I want my sons and grandsons to see a woman president.  So we can all get over it, and treat each other as equal, flawed, complex human beings. 
I don't think this is radical to hope for.  I don't care about any more lovely first ladies.  It won't do. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Last night our younger son called.  He's on vacation but it got interrupted because his partner's mother had a heart attack and had to undergo bypass surgery.  Near the end of the conversation he said these recent events had made them both think about keeping in touch with family and his call was prompted by needing to check in with us.  It was so sweet, and I appreciated him keeping us informed.  We've grown to love his girlfriend and feel for them both as well as all of her family.  Before the surgery, all four of her kids, their spouses and the two little grandsons were there to wish her well, and she's recovering nicely.  Family is who has her back, and I'm grateful our son and her daughter were up there and able to support her, her husband and be supported by siblings.
As we grow older we realize each time we say goodbye it might be the last time.  There is a Buddhist practice to say to each other as you part:  "We do not know if or when we might meet again."  That awareness allows us to be our best selves, not part in acrimony, and treasure what we have right when we have it.  It keeps regrets at bay.  My heart goes out to this young couple learning the lessons of change and what matters most.  Thank goodness the mother has survived, and hopefully will have many more years to enjoy her family.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I sang the "Super Trooper" Abba song to the dogs as we walked this morning.  I sang past workers, around corners so that people with little yappy dogs had warning to pull aside, I sang as I passed gardeners.  My serenade on an overcast morning to blow away the clouds.  I definitely felt better, my dogs like the silliness, and maybe, just maybe I caused a smile or two along the way.  I like the line in the song "feeling like I'm number one".  Now isn't that just as positive as it gets?!  Today's weather is our particular brand of non-summer weather that hits us until school begins, then we usually get Indian summer in September and October.  I miss the real summer of the cabin already, but in the Sierras fall will be showing it's head in cooler evenings and clouds filled with rain moving over the lake, so really, unless I want to go down south again, the hot days are over for the year.  So it's up to me to cheer myself up, singing loudly and confidently to the neighborhood, and amusing myself in the process.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I took the time today to do something I normally don't:  I listened to a saleswoman about the furniture in the showroom.  My friend and I had gone in because my friend likes the type of furniture they make and I went along because it was her birthday and I wanted to accommodate what she wanted to do.  And I ended up appreciating how knowledgeable the saleswoman was and the quality of the workmanship.  I may never buy a piece, but I understand why the stuff costs what it does and the care that goes into it.  And I learned that my friend loves this furniture, and it was was a little peek into a part of who she is that I had not known.
So my patience became interest and I respected the saleswoman for her skill and tact.  A job well done observed by me and noted.  Sales work can be about passion and engagement.  And I was a witness to it.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Ah, the joys of interacting with the DMV.  After having the online appointment system reject my valid driver's license number multiple times, I desperately called the 800 phone number which informed the the wait was over an hour but I could leave my number to be called back.  Now I know this is a trick.  I've tried it twice before recently and there was never a call back.  But hope springs eternal, so I recited my number and lo and behold the robot gave me an appointment time about three weeks hence.  I had to repeat the info about seven times to get the confirmation number correct, as it is 13 numbers.  Also, the robot doesn't speak clearly.  But hopefully, I have an appointment to renew my license, and when I go in an fail my eye test in the one eye, they will graciously give me an appointment for the driving test I must have every two years due to my vision problem.  I don't begrudge them the almost hour long test, because they are being careful they are not letting a elderly idiot on the road to menace other drivers.  I'm grateful they bother to give me the test and allow me to continue to drive.  But the process.  Well, the process could be easier.
So my big conversation this morning has been with a robot, but it turned out satisfactorily.  I'm on the road to renewal, it's just a long and bumpy way.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I would like to attend a memorial service for our friend, who died twenty years ago, but it falls on the weekend of my husband's birthday (a big one) and we already have reservations for ourselves and our kids and grandkids five hours away.  This echoes a dilemna that occurs each year.  For this friend died on my husband's birthday.  We are sad, we are happy.  We are conflicted.  We want to be with his widow and children, but most years we are away or have plans with our family.  My birthday is only four days after, so it is even more complex.  We never forget our friend or his untimely death, and our shock over it, but we go on making plans for celebrating.
Paradox is everpresent as I get older.  I speak joy and sadness embraces it.  I am sad but carry that sadness with me to a place of happiness.  Sadness has become my old friend.  It's there at my elbow, but companionably, and nothing I do or say is unmixed.  The fullness of life includes.  It doesn't exclude.  So I'll be there at the gravesite as I am absent, and our departed friend will be with us at the table as we toast my husband.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My two weeks up in the mountains was wonderful.  The first week it was so hot we all did very little, which is usually a boon to relaxation and the melt down that makes busy mind disappear.  I stared at the lake, walked into the cool waters for refreshment, read and gently interacted with family and friends.  Our speech was gentle as well, and we shared food and canoes and card tables and jump starting cars.  Even the intense neighbor at the end of the road was friendly and outgoing, after ten years of bristling and aggressive talk.  Now I'm back in on my home turf and attempting to keep the slightly sluggish feeling going a bit longer.  Even the cooler temperatures here are not buzzing me up.  I'm still thinking of the owl in the night near our cabin and wading into the lake one step at a time with no flinching and only a sense of comfort.
It's great to see the photos sent by family and reconnect slowly with them and friends.  But I'm going to cling to sluggy mind for as long as I can.