Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I didn't lose any weight this week, and though I figured as much, since I weigh myself every morning, I was still hoping for a miracle.  I was also without my buddy, and that made hearing the news harder.  I really can see that I don't need to have a blow out, just a little bit more each day does the trick.  Sabotage by increments.  And exercise won't save me from my food choices.  I appreciate the fact that this weight loss business makes sense.  There is no magic or mystery.  What the program says is true.  I can eat so many points per day, but going over means possibly maintenance but no loss.  It's amazing how unhappy the truth can make me.
I'm at least writing down everything I eat, and not lying to myself.  And I now know that feeling hungry doesn't mean I need to eat.  My body isn't starving, but my mind is going crazy.  What do I do if I don't eat?  Feel the feelings?  Take a walk?  Talk to friends?  Expose myself?  Yep.  This weight loss thing demands honesty, major adjustments to my habits, and ingenuity.  Darn!  And I thought it would be simple!  But, hello, nothing is.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

It's Mother's Day and despite all the hype and guilt and commercial hoopla, it's still dear to my heart.  So much so that I send a passel of cards to friends.  I've witnessed their courage and skill and deep abiding love for their kids, and i want to honor them.  It's so hard to hold children close and keep them safe and then let them go and forge their own way in the world.  Our love guides us, and our reward is seeing them parenting lovingly and well.  So I'll happily go to brunch with the two kids that are nearby right now and their spouses and my grandson, and be thinking of the two away and their partners and my granddaughter.  What joy they've given me.  I am so grateful.

And for those who don't have someone acknowledging them today, we mothers know you sacrificed and forged ahead even when confused, discouraged, and lonely.  You risked everything to bring another being into this world and for that you are triumphant.  You gave them whatever life alloted to them and your love mixed with fear.  We all know what you did for love.  It cannot be denied.  So take heart and feel blessed that you had this most amazing experience of human beings.  I treasure you all, and I know it wasn't easy.  Treat yourself today to a movie or a new pair of shoes or a cupcake.  Here's to you1

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

What does it mean to "speak your mind"?  I'm wondering if that is a good idea.  My mind is messy, and filled with contradictions and old scripts and bits of trivia.  Perhaps Donald Trump speaks his mind, but the rest of us are attempting to exercise caution and hopefully speak from the heart.  If we speak from the heart three things happen: not harming is in the consideration of what to say, compassion tempers our words and there is more room for pausing and listening and not making judgemental statements. 
In Buddhism, we talk of heart-mind.  The head mind carries all the garbage floating around in our brains and in the culture we inhabit.  The heart-mind approaches all communication and connection with love.  The heart-mind is quieter, non-aggressive and not engaging in fantasies of dualistic thinking.  Nothing is black and white in the heart-mind and nothing separates us from our fellow beings.  We are all human, and all the possibilities of humanity are inside each of us.  We acknowledge that fact and move on to right action and right speech, with the goal of inclusiveness not divisiveness.
I dread a lot of "mind speaking" in this election year.  I won't participate, but it will permeate our culture.  I hope others will double their efforts to stay centered in their heart-minds, and weather this blizzard of supposed "straight talk".  I've got my earmuffs on and will huddle in the warmth of the dharma to keep protected and compassionate.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My foster granddaughter had a plan yesterday and I went along with it:  to make cupcakes.  We walked to the store and bought ingredients, as she had downloaded the recipes already.  Then she began and she wanted to do it all herself.  We got to the raspberry filling and she didn't like the taste.  I stayed out of it as she added sugar and declared she hated the taste of the cornstarch.  Then she rushed the icing, putting all the ingredients in at once, when the whipping cream was supposed to come later,  and it looked like a lumpy mess and she wanted to throw it out and start over.  I reassured her it was fixable, and part of the problem was she only added half the powdered sugar.  I explained that cooking was chemistry and messing around with the proportions would be a disaster.  She reluctantly added more sugar.  Still dissatisfied she wanted to start over and I vetoed that, saying it was too much a waste of food.  Eventually the icing looked good and we didn't even have to add more whipping cream.  When we took the cupcakes out of the oven, one batch was burned on the bottom, but I wouldn't let her throw them out.  I showed her how to cut off the bottoms with a bread knife.  She threw a few cupcakes away while I wasn't looking, but I ignored it.  Eventually, she filled them, iced them and decorated them and placed them in a plastic container to take home.

Next time I'm tackling cleanup while she's around.  She conveniently ignored that mess.  But this time my patience encouraged hers, and my not wanting to waste food stopped her from throwing a lot of stuff into the sink.  I kept my voice for encouraging logical consequences.  I refused to go get another cake mix, so she had to "fix" the burnt cupcakes, and I salvaged some of the filling and froze two containers of icing.  I hope she registered my determination not to waste food.  She needs to learn to take her time and be careful, but she watches shows that make cooking look quick and easy, with no mistakes.  She needs to slow down.  Whether she will or not is to be seen.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm on my own for a couple of days, as my husband has gone to the cabin.  I like the break.  I don't have to plan meals or get back at a certain time or call.  I like wandering the house without encountering him or the dogs.  I talked to him after he got up there and he didn't have any news.  Of course you don't have any news, I replied.  Neither do I.  We just saw each other three hours ago.  He likes me being around constantly, so I feel like a rat, but I like my space.  After all, I had four kids and  no privacy most of my life.  So I'm due a bit now.  I'd also like to not talk the time he's away, but I'm too soft hearted to do that to him.

None of this can be said.  Or rather it need not be, as he knows I like a break from him, and why rub it in?  He's got some sentimental idea of two joined at the hip.  He doesn't actually do much with me when he's home, it's just the IDEA of me being upstairs or out in the studio that comforts him as he does a puzzle or looks at his laptop.  We coexist beautifully, but I need the trip I just took and the one coming up in a couple of weeks. 

It works.  Because I know he knows and he knows I know what he wishes and we live pragmatically with being the odd couple.  But I often feel a tinge of guilt, and maybe, just maybe, he enjoys my time away as much I do when he's gone.  But he won't admit it.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had one of those random conversations with a stranger that was most pleasant.  I was looking for Mother's Day gifts, and the store I was aiming for was closed, so I wandered into a shoe store and came out with a pair of tennis shoes for me, but still nothing for gifts.  I stood outside a store with miscellaneous stuff, but it made my mind jumble, then strolled down the street to a lingerie shop that had a sale rack outside.  I picked through it and found pjs for one gift, then decided to go for it and picked another set.  When I went inside the clerk offered to wrap the gifts, and that thrilled me.  No stop for gift bags.  We got to talking about, well, yes, underwear, a subject on which I found I had strong opinions.  I also described the tastes of the gift recipients, and she offered her views on underwear and took me back in the store to show me her favorite pjs.  She was probably in her early thirties, and I felt a motherly connection to her, as she was the age of my younger daughter. 

I watched her wrap, completely focused on her skill and the way she had precut ribbons for each box at the beginning of the day for just such a need, and therefore was as swift as a fairy.  I deeply appreciated that skill.  I do not have the ability to wrap well, and I do admire those who do.  It was as if she was giving me a mini vacation from buying wrap and executing it.  I thanked her profusely.

What a nice encounter, and though the talk was not of politics or the world situation, it was of the sublimely ordinary, and over it, we became visible to each other.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband and I watched the President's speech at the Press Corp annual dinner, and I was struck by how poised and balanced he has become.  He joked, but very carefully, and he made certain a lot of the jokes were at his own expense.  He had the right amount of dry deadpan delivery, and he took his time.  There were a lot of pauses between vignettes.  He has become a measured man, and that suits a President.  Eight years have both lightened him up and given him gravitas.

We all hope the burdens of adulthood will garner us wisdom and circumspection.  But we see in the media many an elderly statesman without either.  No guarantees.  But Obama has learned.  I am not privy to exactly what he's learned, but the change is apparent.  Perhaps he thought he'd change America, and history will tell that tale, but HE has changed.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say it looks like for the better.  I believe there it is a good bet that he will be treasured and missed after he's retired.  I'm thinking his legacy is assured.  And his measured speech is what I'd name first.