Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

It's one day before Christmas Eve, and we've had the pandemic delimas many are facing. Our daughter and grandson took the Covid test Monday, but still haven't gotten the results, so no cookie baking today, and because of the rain our older son and his family will only visit for an hour or two tomorrow morning, because our younger son, his wife and son are visiting and traveled by airplane, just as our older son's wife's mother traveled out here for the holidays. We want to be cautious and careful, but it means not being all together for Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas day. It's wrenching and torturous. Our family has the two youngest boys unable to have a vaccine, and the next oldest only with his first shot, and the oldest hasn't had the booster yet. When our granddaughter comes Monday, she will be flying, but she's vaccinated and boostered at least. We are yearning to be all together, because we are grieving over the loss of our daughter, aunt, and mother. But what seemed so possible in the summer is now too dangerous, and with the old (my husband and I) and the young so vulnerable. Our two sons are immunocompromised as well. I am being grateful that some family will be with us this year, and hopeful that the omnicron surge will soon peak and die down, and the warm weather will make it possible to enjoy each other outdoors. But right now it's cold and wet, and outdoors is an option for puddle splashing only, which the grandson at least adore!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

It's been crisp and cold sunny weather, but we're about to have a week of rain. It makes everything complicated, when we want to get together with family but need to be outside. We're all attempting to be flexible, and hope for the best. Our new pipe got put in yesterday and they are supposed to return Monday to pour concrete and replace the walkway they tore out. We poured out the last of the rainwater we'd collected in the basement, and will sweep up the dirt later today. We took a walk this morning, as we were both feeling so creaky, and the cleaning woman visited after lunch to talk about days and price. She will begin the first week of January. She was sweet, and brought her teenaged daughter, and mostly we could understand each other. I hope, at least. I went yet again to the grocery store, and will have to again before Christmas eve, but the plans are beginning to form. One day at a time, with lots of Christmas music and staring at the tree in between. We put the battery operated train under the tree and it works great with nice sound effects. The little grandsons will love it. Next week it all begins: the relatives visiting, the the dinners, the stockings, the desserts. We all want this year to be more joyful than last Christmas.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm pretty exhausted. This week has had a biblical theme of flooding. Our basement flooded Sunday, with some heavy rain, but then a couple of days later, with a much lighter rain, it flooded again. We had Roto Rooter out at midnight, and finally, Thursday, someone came from the plumbing service we use, and quoted an apalling amount of money to tear up the sidewalk next to our house on one side and do a fix. They promised to begin tomorrow. We nevertheless managed to decorate our house for the holidays, in a reduced style, and with the help of our daughter. A few more lights on the porch and we'll be done. I even bought six new ornaments yesterday, just for the heck of it. They are wool felt, and happily unbreakable by the grandsons. Yesterday a card came from a neighbor from thirty some years ago. Her husband, who was a dear heart, died of ALS. When we lived next door to them he often used his tractor to plow and pile the manure from our horse Lu, and did many helpful, neighborly things. Their daughter babysat for us, and has grown to be a rock solid support for her parents during this agonizing illness. The family was all that you'd want in a neighbor and more. The mother would take chokecherries from our yard and make jam and wine and give it to us. She was a nome ec teacher until she retired, and could sew, bake, decorate, the whole nine yards. She has made hundreds of masks since Covid to help people. Some people are a joy to know, and warm your heart, and theirs was such a family.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had a wonderful visit from my friend up north, and I'm grateful she made the trip. She arrived Wednesday midday, and left Sunday morning. We managed to have lunch out and shop one day, go to the modern art museum the next, then her last full day I showed her a succulent garden and later we met my younger daughter, her husband and two boys, and picked out Christmas trees. Then we went to their house and had a Mexican dinner delivered. She has been like an aunt to my daughter, so I was glad they got to connect. But perhaps the highlight was our two friends coming Friday night for dinner, where we did not have to mask, and we were cosy inside, and it felt like before the pandemic. It was just so delightful to have a little dinner party. I hope my friend had a good time. I know she was cold in our old drafty house, and she had trouble sleeping, but that is a problem she has frequently, even at home. We had some intereesting conversations, including one the last night where we realized although her sister and my brother were close to our ages, they were in different eras than we were. In 1963 things changed suddenly and dramatically: civil rights, JFK's assasination, we could wear pants, we all let our hair grow long and took to sandals, jeans and peasant blouses. Conscousness raising became a thing, we marched, drugs were around us. My brother was younger so he had a totally different experience in high school, and my friend's sister was in a bygone era with music, expectations, and aspirations. Now we are in another time when the culture is shifting rapidly, and the disconnect is shocking to many.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I passed my driving test this morning. What a relief1 The DMV person was so supportive and kind. She said she was on my side and she truly seemed to be. I typically wind myself up in to high anxiety, but then say to myself, a la World War Z when the Brad Pitt character says to the Israeli soldier, "Gut up" and she does and so do I. Now all I have to do is pass the dermatologist exam this afternoon and I can totally relax. Will I?. Well that's another matter. Yesterday the weather report said it was going to drizzle, so we picked up the grandsons in the car but did we get a drop? Nope. The DMV tester said they'd gotten rain where she lives nearby, but it skipped us. So today is blue skies and sunny. But cold. When you take the driving test, you of course have to mask, but also have the windows open, so she was bundled as if ready for Alaska and I had on wool and a puffer vest. I've still got the vest on attempting to warm up. Strange days.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We helped out our daughter and son-in-law for four hours today with our grandson's fifth birthday party. It was at a park, and the sun was out and the families that came were super nice. We mainly helped guard the picnic table and food, watched the birthday boy's little brother and told people who was at the playground and basic stuff. Our older son came with our six year old grandson, and he and the five year old cousin have formed a strong bond this last year, even though they live 1 1/2 hours aaway. Partly it's because of the pandemic, and their families feel safe with each other, and partly because the older one is so sociable and affectionate with the younger, shyer one. It's a joy to see. The younger brother of the birthday boy is crazy about his uncle and their relationship is delightful to witness as well. The carrot cupcakes were a success and the children ran around enthusiastically for most of the time, so I bet there are some tired kids tonight. It exhausts me just watching.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

All is uncertain, and we end in death, yet our many distractions have kept us from this knowledge pretty well. With the veil removed, many people are panicked and feeling untethered. I understand this. I have compassion for people feeling the rug has been pulled out from under them. I am speaking of Covid, but this feeling is equally true for those of us growing older and facing tests, examination of our bodies more frequently, and having friends with illnesses and disabilities they did not face, and somehow had thought they would be exceptions to old age, disease and death. My husband is struggling right now with a new medication, which makes him turn and face his age and mortality. He's actually fortunate there is medicine and he will adjust and do well, but having never wanted to discuss downsizing, changing our habits, or our future needs, he's shocked and upset. Turning away works, for some period of time for some people, but he has not considered that our friends' illnesses and deaths might suggest that our vulnerability is becoming greater and it might be a good idea to have some plans in place. But he won't discuss it. His family is long lived and was relativeely healthy until shortly before they died. I've not had that luxury, as my parents and other family members died younger than I am now. I've had to take care of their estates, and face hard decisions. I don't want to push my husband, especially as he's scared and has no family history of honest talking and planning for the inevitable. He has my sympathy, and I am more than ever grateful that Buddhism has trained me to to look at what I fear and not run from it.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My friend and I drove to our favorite toy store this morning; one that has mostly gently used toys. Their stock is amazing, plus they have decades old Fisher-Price, American girl dolls, handmade outfits for dolls, tons of used books and homemade doll beds, garages and the like. My friend was looking for her six month old granddaughter, and I was searching for stocking stuffers for the grandsons. I found playmobile people, Daniel Tiger figures, small zoo animals, card games and other delights. All I need now is a stop at See's candies for a few yummies. Then we were on a roll, so we hit the other toy store a few blocks down, and I got Xmas Prez figures, a stuffy Xmas tree, and a puzzle for my husband. My friend had gotten a kick out of a stuffed pineapple, and I bought it for her and we laughed. It is soft with fluffy leaves on top and I said it could be her holiday therapy. We topped everything off with a visit to our favorite nursery, where we oohed and aahed over the ornaments, and I bought a narcissus pot. The ornaments were gorgeous, but too pricey for us. We came home thrilled with our purchases. I can imagine the delight on the faces of my grandsons when they look in their stockings. I'm already feeling pleasure over their surprise.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today my friend and I walked and did a couple of errands along the way, then my husband and I tackled the photos after a hiatus of ten days. This time I was more emotionally disturbed by them, because in 2001 not only did our daughter who has died graduate from college, she also married with a lovely wedding, our younger daughter graduated from high school and our older son married ten days after 9/11. What a year! Seeing our older daughter at her rehearsal dinner, in her cap and gown, supporting her younger sister, speaking at her brother's wedding, well, it was overwhelming. Our son was married ten days after 9/11 so we debated whether to postpone the wedding, and people flew in from as far away as New Zealand, and our younger daughter who had just begun college in Philadelphia had to fly back by herself when many people were terrified to fly. I feel I need a couple of days in a rest home just to contemplate the stress of that year. How do we do it?! We do it because we must, but when there is no time to reflecct or nurture oneself, the stuff comes in much later like the inevitable tide. The dam won't hold forever. I'm proud of how the family handled everything that year, and how much joy we had celebrating, but gee, it was a lot.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Well, in our Covid world, no good deed goes unpunished. Our daughter's husband flew to a wedding in Philadelphia for his cousin, and when he got back Monday night, quarranteened in their studio until he could take a test yesterday. He still hasn't heard back, so now we need to pick up the boys from preschool because he can't and she has a staff meeting every Wednesday. Our son-in-law had Thanksgiving with a bunch of his dad's relatives, and a cousin's wife who was there has tested positive. She is fully vaccinated and has no symptoms, but nevertheless, our son-in-law is rightly isolated from his little family until he gets his results. The burden on our daughter is huge. I wonder if the wedding will have outbreaks as well. This could go on for a while. The joys of the pandemic.