Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our son is awaiting the lifting of the evacuation order, and the air is still good.  Here the worry and the wind made me restless, and I got up early to text our son, then went out back to pick up fallen branches.  For some reason my husband came down, walked out the back door of the kitchen, and the wind slammed the door shut.  I had poached eggs on the stove, and we searched in our pjs and robes for the hidden key, which was so well hidden we never found it.  My husband was about ready to break a window when he discovered the window over the dryer in the laundry room was unlocked (oh, dear, another story) and he got a ladder and hefted himself up and over into the house.  Suffice to say, we are pretty rattled by the fires, the wind, the deja vu feelings churned up in us.  We know we are probably in for some bad air when the smoke gets here, but have filters and masks.  We just want rain! 
I had made a list of what to take when we had to evacuate, and as I told my childhood friend last night, it seemed hopeless.  Last time we evacuated our car was filled with pet cages, and our younger son's buddy thought of getting our photo albums and packed them and other sensible stuff in his car.  We had lent our second car to our next door neighbors' elderly parents.  And as I put wet towels under all the doors, I thought "take it all"  I just want everyone to be alive.  You get down to the basics pretty fast with these crises.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My power has been out and everyone is upset about the fires, the winds, and how to figure out what to take if we have to evacuate.  Our older son and his wife and son are near the big fire and all packed up.  Two years ago they almost lost their house and many of their friends did.  Now, to be threatened again so soon, is devastating.  Tonight there are supposed to be dangerous winds, and we are all praying things don't get out of hand.  It's hard not to be distracted by the clear and present danger, and I've had to babysit my grandson inside, so he's not exposed to the air.  We both went a little stir crazy today, and I now know exactly what cabin fever feels like.  I'm worried about my kids and grandkids, except for the ones out of state, and for all the many people who are in shelters, or have lost their homes, or are without electricity.  October is a cruel month where I live.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

This morning there was the news of a fire north of us.  High temperatures and gusty winds made today disturbing.  I didn't take the baby out this afternoon but rather kept him shut up in the house.  We are all waiting for cooler temperatures and eventually some rain.  In the meantime, my dear friend and I had cappuchinos outside a coffee place, taking turns bouncing my grandson on our knees.  We described our weekend, when we were coincidentally in the same state at the same time.  A state with rain and much cooler weather.  What can we do?  Nature is in charge, and I don't think humans have much to do with this dilemma, as we live in an arid environment with a history of fire as well as earthquakes.  Fall is tough on us here.  We have our haunting memories and when heat and wind coincide, we're spooked.  Halloween, indeed.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yes, I'm still alive, but my baby grandson is sapping my strength.  He's six months now, and crawls like crazy, sits up, and has definite opinions.  By the time the little darling is picked up, and I rush to  make one of my twenty minute dinners (lots of salads and stir frys), I am fit only to watch "Castle", possibly take a shower to eradicate the baby poop and drool, and read in bed for the thirty minutes until I conk out.  Baby 1, Grandma 0.  Luckily, he's quite endearing.  But the last two weekends I've been away, first for my 4 year old grandson's birthday extravaganza, then to visit my older daughter for her birthday.  I had to go to Trader Joe's in desperation Monday night among the hordes to buy food.  I am exhausted and totally behind in cleaning, cards, presents, emails, texts, you name it.
My friend texted me today to see if a catastrophe had befallen me, but thank goodness, it's just my elderly body unable to keep up with twenty pounds of dynamite baby.  Every day I'm amazed I'm still standing.  It has made me fitter, and leaner.  Who has time to eat?  This coming weekend I actually have some breathing room, and plan to catch up with my list.  And go to a friend's piano recital and accompany the almost three year old grandson to a pumpkin patch.  Oh dear, I'm tired already!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I have a student in Nicaragua who sends me a letter a couple of times a year.  She is in college and dedicated to her schooling and her goal of a better life.  She asks me about the United States and my family, and I answer as honestly as I can.  My life is so blessed, and I talk of my grandchildren and babysitting and having been a teacher.  This time she talked about water and how important it is to the people there, because, it seems, fruit trees are a major source of income and food.  I told her this time how I live in an area where the water is crucial and necessary for our agriculture, but, of course, what I don't say is how fortunate we are here in every way.  Her life is basic and a constant struggle, while mine is so privileged.  She sounds like a sweetheart and I hope her life is enriched by her education.  I hope she feels my prayers and good wishes for her life.  We are so far from each other in age, position and opportunity, but we are connected.  I feel that.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I heard some upsetting news about a dear friend this morning, and I'm shaken a bit.  She has wonderful daughters and I know she'll get the best of care, but still...
 I couldn't sleep last night and figured it was the crazy weekend driving an hour and a half for our grandson's fourth birthday, just me, my baby grandson and daughter-in-law.  We did fine, and met my husband, older son, daughter-in-law, her mom, the birthday boy, our younger daughter, her husband and our middle grandson, plus another family close to my son and his wife.  Our younger son had a terrible cold, so he couldn't make it.  Yes we rode Thomas the Train, saw massive Thomas themed events and gifts, and then had pizza at a cafe which was noisier than the train, so that I didn't really hear anything people were saying.  The little boys eventually lost their minds, then we went for ice cream, and mercifully retired to our rooms at 7:30 pm.  Next day we met for breakfast, then went to a beach to see Monarch butterfies and observe the tidepools, after which my husband and I returned with the younger daughter, and we stopped for lunch and then the middle grandson had a meltdown in the car until he finally stopped fighting a nap and slept. 
I feel blessed with all this thriving, bustling family, these cute little rascal grandsons.  My father used to say I was a "pistol" and these three boys must take after me.  Another one is arriving in February.  My, oh, my.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We're going on an overnight to celebrate our grandson's fourth birthday.  Yes, it involves Thomas the Train, so the family, except for our older daughter and our granddaughter, who live too far away to come for the weekend,  are riding this fabled train, surrounding ourselves with all things train, then eating at a pizza place, spending the night nearby and driving home tomorrow.  We will attempt to head to tidepools for the grandsons and hope the little ones make it through the night in a hotel.  Our older son and his wife have set this all up, and our daughter-in-law's mother will be part of this whole scheme as well.  Luckily, the event is at a state park near where we used to live decades ago, and I love the place.  Huge redwoods, sunny meadows, a covered bridge, what's not to like?  So I'm looking forward to the chaos, foolish grandma that I am.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We took our almost three year old grandson to the zoo, but since we go so often, we have a casual attitude towards "seeing things".  We moseyed down to look at the gibbons and chimpanzees, sitting on a bench snacking frequently, then watched the huge tortoises for a leisurely amount of time, then checked on the lemurs, who weren't yet out, so we sat on another bench to wait for them to appear, which they did, frisky and delightful.  Then we went to see the fruit bats, hanging out with their stuffie.  We went inside the reptiles and amphibians house, and our grandson laughed at the lizards.  i prefer the frogs myself, and my husband goes for the turtles and snakes.  Then we saw the two big black guinea hogs, and wandered over to the petting zoo, which consists of a bunch of goats and three standoffish sheep.  My husband sat on a bench this time, while my grandson and I brushed every goat at least three times.  Then we washed out hands and headed to the warthogs (my fave) but their enclosure was being worked on so it was closed.  Our grandson wanted to see the giraffes, so we found another bench to watch them eat, and I went over and brought back a bag of popcorn and a giant chocolate chip cookie, which my husband and grandson split, before horning in on my popcorn.  It was time, so we insisted on heading home for lunch and nap, while our grandson protested he wanted to see the elephants.  After standing in the middle of the path in protest, our grandson capitulated, and we went home to sandwiches, apples and mac and cheese, then said grandson announced he was tired, and after a few stories, he collapsed, surrounded by his three kitties, his two pillows and favorite velour blue blanket. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our area is in readiness for electricity shut down, though it's just the hills right now.  Our older son is also on alert in his area, but no shutoff yet.  Most people are complaining, but I'm all for prevention, and the places they are shutting down are dangerous places where fires have broken out before.  The good news is there is no wind right now.  It's the wind-dryness-heat combo that is lethal.  Tonight the wind might come up, but hopefully not.  We all have memories of walls of fire, being evacuated, and friends losing their homes, and in some cases, their lives.  Reading about Laura Ingalls Wilder's life, in the biography Prairie Fires, reminds me that the west is, and always has been, more desert than hospitable.  Building where history tells us fire will come is one of the man caused problems we face.  It's not entirely about climate change.  Someone needs to reign in developers so people are not living in historically fire prone areas.  Local government has never stood up to those lucrative interests, but until we take some responsibility, the danger is eminent and unrelenting.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I listened to the live broadcast of Anam Thubten's dharma talk yesterday morning, and he talked about a friend who wanted to de-clutter his mind.  He is dying of cancer, and he had this as his goal.  I've been attempting to de-clutter my house the past couple of weeks; getting rid of sheets, toys, clothes (especially dressy ones, since I don't live that life) and books.  For me, there is tremendous satisfaction in standing in the doorway of a room and seeing how bright and welcoming it becomes when there is not so much STUFF.  I am experiencing a less cluttered mind as well, due to taking care of my baby grandson.  Everything else seems irrelevant when you focus on a baby's needs.  And the most important part is holding him, rocking him, talking to him.  Not the gear, the naps, the bottle, just the one on one time.  I'm grateful when he naps, but I've learned to doze myself or grab an apple, and just be.  No to-do lists float through my mind, nor do I rush around doing tasks before he wakes up.  I'm blessedly blank.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our almost three year old grandson spent the night with us last night - his first overnight.  He did really well, and complimented me on lunch and dinner.  The evening required seeing Finding Dory and in the afternoon we saw Cars, but it was a small price to pay for him to not feel selfconscious about this big step.  Naturally I slept in the guest bed with him.  I wasn't about to try the toddler bed and go through getting up and down and back and forth.  Already he requires his three kitties, a hermit crab and a squid to snuggle with, plus a plush blue blanket I have that he adores.  I ended up sleeping with my granddaughter when she was young, and it gradually morphs into them handling the toddler bed by themselves, but not as young as this fellow.  His parents were able to move his stuff to his new, smaller bedroom, with walls of a bright yellow gold he picked out.  I wonder if part of the choice was that the room he sleeps in for his nap here is yellow.  This test was for the four days in November when his parents are going to Hawaii for a wedding and we have him four nights.  That won't be as smooth, I'm clear sighted about it, but at least he knows he can survive the separation.  And I'm sure I can weather a very tiny bedfellow for a few nights as well. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm reading a pretty amazing biography of Laura Ingalls Wilder by Caroline Fraser, called Prairie Fires.  It's riveting reading and encompasses so much history I did not know.  I never read the Little House books as a kid, but some of my kids did, and we sometimes watched the TV show, but my son and daughter-in-law gave me the book for my birthday, knowing how much I like biographies.  This bio is so detailed, well researched and well written that not having a stake in Wilder doesn't matter.  It's the lives depicted, and the eras, that come to life vividly.  Years ago my husband, kids and I saw a sod house in South Dakota that I thought gave me an idea of that long ago pioneering spirit, but I really had no clue as to who these adventurers were, what circumstances they faced (economic depressions, fires, depletion of soil, illegal squatting on Indian land) and what the politics of the time meant in terms of the poor.  Wilder romanticized her past, but Fraser has brought it back in all its complexity and in the context of capitalism, and the damage it did and still does to citizens of our country.  Lots of lessons to be learned reading this book, that's for sure.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We went with friends to see Alonzo King's Lines Ballet last night.  The live music, dancers, costumes and lighting combined to give intense pleasure for the audience.  Watching dance makes the viewer aware of his/her body, in all it's beauty and complexity.  I was mesmerized.  Then today in the newspaper the review didn't appreciate either piece much.  They focused on not understanding the "story", as if this performance had to be about sleeping beauty or swan lake.  To me this seems like a complete misunderstanding of how to approach the two pieces:  they are feeling pieces, meant to slither around despite the mind, not because of it.  I felt both pieces in my body afterwards, and that awakening was worth more than a script with characters.  The dances trusted us to experience them, and personalize them as well.  I went home peaceful and yet lit up inside.  Amazing!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

One of the things I do for my grandchildren is paint and decorate a plaque with their name on it.  Maybe I'm anticipating their teenager years when the door slams and they shout "it's my room, get out", but not really.  It's more of an announcement that they are in the world and the that world is changed by their presence.  Some have it on the wall, some on their door.  I think about colors and what to paint as a background.  The last one before this had trees, as he was always happy with his stroller parked under a tree, with him looking up in fascination.  This five month old is cheery and mellow so I painted yellow blobs with red centers, like fireflies or flowers.  The background is turquoise, my favorite color.  His name letters are dark blue, yellow, lime green, orange and fuschia.  I hope he likes it, and his name, but for now, he's oblivious, and that's fine, too.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today a friend sent me a link to someone who has undergone mastectomy and breast cancer, and bravely shows herself topless, as she begs us not to let companies exploit "pink" for their own profit, while supposedly "giving" money for breast cancer research.  Why am I not surprised?  We are a for profit culture, and making a buck is our holy grail.  For all my friends, living and dead, who have struggled with this hideous disease, for my daughter who fights it as we speak, for my granddaughter, who has lived with her mother under threat of death for half of her eleven years, I am disgusted, but not surprised.  The horrible cancer, which affects one in four or one in five women, haunts us all.  We have our losses we grieve, our friends we support, our families terrorized by this cancer.  Don't, please don't exploit this massive suffering.  Give directly to research, not by buying pink sneakers or lipstick.  Don't trivialize the agony of women.