Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My friend and I went out looking for sponsors for a fundraiser for an organization that mentors schoolkids from kindergarten through college.  It is a good cause, and we hit the road on the buddy system and possibly were successful at several businesses.  It's stressful no matter what, and we were pounding the pavement when a former patient of my friend stopped her on the street to ask medical advice.  I discretely moved away, as I didn't want to overhear inappropriately, but the woman went on and on, and I was left standing on the sidewalk looking like a vagrant.  Fifteen minutes later my friend caught up and apologized.  Yeah, I said, and at least she might have apologized to me for interrupting our conversation.  But she didn't, and my friend said next time don't leave, because I'm retired, not her doctor any more, and she had a nerve to solicit free advice.  Well, as I was waiting for her, I saw a sale sign in a store we like, and we both went in and I came out with a dress.  So I was grateful I'd been stopped long enough to notice the sale.  Ah, how the good deeds get sidetracked by a sale sign!  But we feel we probably got at least two sponsors, so the foot soldier method was successful.  We patted ourselves on the back and headed home.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I reluctantly attended a meeting about a gala I'm helping with, for a very good cause and I was feeling guilty I hadn't done anything since the meeting before, but at the end, the facilitator of the meeting praised me for my ideas, and said I think outside the box and that was just what the group needed.  His kind words energized me, and I'm going to follow up on my goals today and for the next week.  He inspired me.  He began the meeting with a meditation, and that reminded me that yesterday when I was reading to my grandson, preparatory to his nap, is was arranging pillows and I asked what he was doing.  "Making a nest" he replied.  He had pillows all around himself and his two stuffed birds in the middle.  He adores birds and trees.  And speaking of getting him to sleep, what I do is turn out the reading light and close my eyes, snuggle next to him, and breathe deeply, slowly and loudly.  It works!  A kind of toddler meditation. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I went by myself to see "IF Beale Street Could Talk" yesterday, as I wanted to catch it before it left the theaters.  As with "Moonlight", Barry Jenkins has bathed the film in a color, this time yellow-gold, instead of blue.  The characters are wonderfully precise, as in James Baldwin's book on which the film is based, though Jenkins has shuffled up the chronology and changed it up a bit.  This is a blues elegy for all the young Black men who get incarcerated mistakenly, or for petty reasons or for racism.  It's of it's time - the seventies - but also nothing has changed in 2019.  We know it, we're in 2019.  So there is an unbearable sadness and hopelessness pervading the film.  Beautiful people, struggling, but to little avail.  The acting is lovely, and Regina King, as the girl Tish's mother, is extraordinary.  It's a lonely, true, but heartfelt world Jenkins' presents us with.  Love is everywhere, if you just look.  But love isn't enough.  It does not overcome.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Oh, boy.  I finished a great thriller last night, "The Burglar".  It was written by Thomas Perry, whose Jane Whitefield books I adore.  She is a woman who helps people disappear.  Battered women, innocent people with people after them.  How she does it is riveting, and you learn a lot about disappearing.  I used to work with battered women, so I know there truly is an underground to aid those whom the law cannot or will not help.  But this new book of his has a new main character, Elle, who is a burglar in the rich enclaves of Los Angeles.  She doesn't hurt people, but one day she is in a person's house to burgle, and she discovers three bodies.  She tries to let it go, but when the police can't seem to see the clues she has discovered, she investigates.  Soon people are after her, and the reader learns a lot about home security, state of the art cameras, and the art world.  I couldn't put it down.  I kept saying to myself, why are you rooting for her?  She's a criminal.  But she was abandoned as a teenager, she's 24 years old, and she only takes what insurance will replace, and has her own code that seems reasonable in the book.  Whatever.  The line gets murky because she is so smart and determined to see justice done.  It's fun.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm a ruthless reader these days.  If a book doesn't grab me I put it in the pile for the no-kill dog and cat shelter store, and they sell the books for $2 to $3.  I did that yesterday with two books, one of which I struggled through a quarter of it, the other, I wasn't about to try.  So much for that author!  Yes, she's best selling, great for her, but she'll have to continue her rich lifestyle without me as a fan.  I went right out and searched for tried and true authors, and found three books, and began tackling the first yesterday afternoon.  Goodness, I'm getting picky!  I used to read cereal boxes and my mom's trashy novels and reader's digest chopped up novels and anything I could lay my hands on.  Now I mainly read non-fiction and biography, with a few mysteries and my fave authors, like:  Rebecca Solnit, Dave Eggers, Louise Erdrich, Roxanne Gay and Kate Atkinson.  A new Toni Morrison is cause for rejoicing.  I've reread all James Baldwin, but had missed "If Beale Street Could Talk", so I bought that yesterday.  Yes, I love Tommy Orange's book "There, there" and Kiese Lemon's "Heavy" and Dave Sedaris' "Calypso", and I try friends' recommendations, but let's face it, I haven't got much time left and I want what I read to grip me.  I do love Lucia Berlin's stories and adored her memoir.  I'm not completely rigid.  But give me a book about trees, or crows and ravens, or Paul Kingsnorth and I'm absorbed.  Let me read poetry, new and old.  But novels, not so much.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband and I went to see a matinee of "On the Basis of Sex", and though RBG is a hero of mine, and I loved the documentary, the film was a bit disappointing.  I'd loved the film "Marshall" about Thurgood Marshall and an NAACP case that defined him early on in his career, but though "On" is a similar formula, it doesn't have the power or drama of "Marshall".  Maybe I knew too much from the documentary, or the acting, though adequate, just isn't fiery.  It will make a good film to show for informational purposes though, in high schools, and for those who don't know the history.  Felicity Jones, or the writers, just didn't capture RBG.  Anyway, seeing the real RBG at the end did bring tears to my eyes, and the case itself is interesting to this day.  Jones wasn't able to show us how persuasive RBG must have been in court.  I'd like to see video from it, if it exists.  She must have been something else!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We're doing sheets and towels and laundry from our four night house guests.  It feels good to get back to ordinary life, and rest from the exhaustion of the weekend celebration.  I'm having lunch with the bride's mother today, and we'll recap and share our experiences.  When the photos come, there will be a surge again in the event.  The rain is over for a while, so my husband and I took our morning walk, and noted the blossoming of tulip trees, snow bells, lilies of the valley, daffodils and the general joy of green in response to rain.  I love that the days are getting longer, and the moon last night was huge and bright.  The wedding night, we all saw the blood moon, mysterious and captivating.  I've marched, partied and socialized myself silly, now a few practical matters have to be attended to, and then new goals:  our son's 50th birthday, babysitting the younger grandson 3 times next week, writing for my group, and reconnecting with friends whom I haven't seen in a few weeks, given my trip to Texas and the trip south before that.  As I said, ordinary life.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

The wedding was quite wonderful.  The bride wore a bright red long dress with spagetti straps and looked like a million.  She had white flowers in her black curls and her amazing smile.  My husband calls her the black Julia Roberts.  She and her handsome husband walked around the entire evening making sure they talked to everyone.  Today we went to a brunch at my friend's house, she being the mother of the bride.  I had more opportunity to talk to people I don't often see, and the day shone bright with a vivid blue sky.  I feel exhausted, though I had no responsibilities except hosting two of the groom's cousins.  I think a nap is in order.  Tomorrow my friend and I are going for a walk and coffee, so I'll hear her side, as mother of the bride.  It felt terrific to be only a guest, no more, and just enjoy myself.  And my sparkly shoes were kind to my feet.  I could dance in them and stand and walk in total comfort.  That's what I'm talking about!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today is raining, but that won't stop the joy of our dear friend's daughter's wedding.  We've known them for over thirty years, and our daughters met in kindergarten.  We've taken her to Trieste and Venice with us, all traveled together to Washington, D.C., and they rent a cabin in the summer next to ours and we spend two weeks hiking and swimming and roasting marshmellows.  So there is a lot of history, and our daughters became close friends and support each other in every way.  When my friend's husband died suddenly her two kids were ten and thirteen.  She's raised them gallantly and they are both amazing people.  This will be a touching and

Well, I was interrupted by our guests needing a ride to their father, as he was hit by a kidney stone attack yesterday at breakfast and spent through most of last night in the emergency room.  He was released this morning, and they needed a ride to be with him today.  Hopefully, he will be able to attend the wedding, but...  Weddings are this way - full of surprises.  Expectations are dashed or altered and you never know how. 

Like life, the drama is endless and the emotions confused between surprise, tears of joy, sadness, and conflicted emotions.  Let's celebrate!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had a major accomplishment yesterday - I got our grandson to nap.  It involved putting away the porta-crib and reading many books on our kingsized bed, and snuggling with him until he surrendered.  He slept almost 3 hours.  I'm fine when he doesn't sleep, but it means his mommy picks him up and he's grumpy and won't eat dinner and generally is exhausted until he collapses at bedtime.  His nanny, who is a jewel, figured out the new routine, which includes two stuffed birds he places over his eyes.  The child adores birds.  Anyway, I'm about to meet him and my daughter to attend the Women's March, so I'm putting on my pink hat, my Virginia Woolf earrings and raincoat and heading out to rabble-rouse.  Let's go girls!!!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've just spent five days visiting a childhood friend in Texas.  My best childhood friend and I flew in from separate coasts and stayed together, and I mean together - we slept in the same bed, which was luckily king sized.  I adored seeing both friends, and supporting our friend with stage four breast cancer.  Last time it was the Texas friend and I visiting our friend who lived in Indiana at the time, and at fifty her husband left her for another woman.  We cheered her up, had strange cocktails, and giggled hysterically.  Now she lives elsewhere, has a rich life with travel, nine grandchildren and many friends.  She came to my younger daughter's wedding.  So we "caught up", though my east coast friend is the one who knows the scoop on our childhood friends, as she lives in the same town where we used to live.  We hung out with our friend with the cap to cover her head, and supported her journey, which has been a rough one the past few months.  She had finished the first round of chemo and today she begins the second round:  every three weeks for six times.  She has a very supportive husband, and a dog that is better than therapy, and a lot of people praying for her.  On the plane trip home last night, I deliberately sat next to a woman with a one year old, as people had been avoiding her like the plague, and though he cried and fussed through most of the four hour turbulent flight, I helped entertain him and supported her.  As we said goodbye, I found out she lives in the same city as my older daughter, and had read the same book on babies sleeping as my younger daughter.  She thanked me profusely, and I told her I had four kids and almost four grandchildren, and she was very welcome.  The good feelings from my visit had carried over and made me generous and kind.  For every new life is a blessing.  And he was a cute little red headed rascal!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My friend and I saw "The Favorite" yesterday.  We'd seen "The Lobster" a year ago and been gobsmacked by it's weirdness and yet strange power.  I thought about it for days and weeks after.  This new film is even more brilliant, and the acting amazing.  Olivia Coleman clearly deserved the Golden Globe, and Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone are amazing.  The director never lets you swoon into the story, as there are "chapters" and sharp cuts that stun you out of linear thinking.  I'd say the overarching idea is the powerlessness of women, or maybe the incestuousness and corruption of power.  It feels taken right out of today's headlines.  But if the sound was gone - that beautiful, weird score that is jarring and disorienting - and you couldn't hear what the characters were saying, then the sets and costumes and lighting would fascinate you and entice your eyes with pleasure.  It's also fun, somehow, just audacious enough to surprise and delight.  See it!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I heard from my friend in Australia.  We were in graduate school together, and still write emails to each other around the new year.  And I realized I was reading a book set in Australia, by a writer from down under:  "Crimson Lake", by Carolyn Fox.  The mystery is totally engaging, about two criminals who join forces when they get out of prison to investigate a missing person.  They also investigate each other's crime, which turns out to be not what the police have assumed.  The man, Ted, has escaped Sydney and come to an isolated small town to get away from persecution, because there was not enough evidence to charge him.  But the public is relentless in pursing him, feeling he got away with an attack on a child.  Amanda has served eight years in prison for stabbing a schoolmate, and though she considers herself guilty, Ted discovers a coverup.  There is lots of humor in the book, and Ted's rescue of a mother goose and six goslings is delightful.  I enjoy the humor of Australians, and remember fondly when I worked beside the only other female teacher at a high school in Fiji, eons ago.  I'm predisposed, you might say, to liking Australians.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm heading for the dentist.  Gee, it's amazing how childish we feel when we need the dentist.  I feel like I just want to get out of there alive.  Ridiculous.  I'm doing a few errands after and then having lunch with my bud who is going crazy because of her daughter's upcoming wedding.  She told me it's silly, because her daughter and fiance are doing everything, and I promptly replied that means nothing.  The frenzy froths itself up into peaks just because of the excess of joy and anticipation and momentousness.  We all go crazy.  I'm pretty excited myself, and I have no responsibilities except housing a couple of relatives for couple of days.  And I worried myself nuts until I discovered a dress in my closet I'd bought a year ago when the store was closing, and decided it was perfect (or as near as it needed to be) and now I've bought new shoes, found an old evening bag from my older daughter's wedding decades ago, and draped a scarf and two jackets around the dress to be decided which one as the weather dictates.  And nobody cares what I look like.  Well, evidently, I do.  Wedding fever, ah, who DOESN'T succumb?!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We watched the Golden Globes last night.  I don't put any stock by their nominees or winners, but the dresses are worth oogling over.  We were blotto, because in one weekend my husband had had three concerts, and we'd discovered our mail had been stolen and in it were checks that somehow got cashed, even the one addressed to our mortgage bank, so we've been canceling cards, getting a new checking account and basically ripping up and starting over.  So a little mindless entertainment was right up our alley.  I adore Cuaron and Roma, so that was nice, and I was grateful for every globe that didn't go to A Star is Born.  I loved the surprise of Rami Malek and Bohemian Rhapsody, and Sandra Oh.  I don't watch any television, so I was fine with all that.  But Jeff Bridges' rambling monologue was a highlight for me.  I even thought I followed his line of thought, though I admit that's scary.  He's so sixties in a way I miss, because he believes in LOVE, and so do I.  Anyway, today I babysat as the nanny was stuck in a snowstorm, SO SHE SAYS, and I bought my grandson a big blue and yellow dump truck and he fiddled with it most of the morning.  I watched closely to make sure he didn't "crash", and moved emergency vehicles over when crashes occurred, to try to get him to see people get hurt in crashes.  Uh huh.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We're getting a real rainstorm today.  Yesterday was hit and miss, but this is the real thing.  The rain is supposed to continue through Thursday, and hopefully it's snowing in the mountains, giving us a much needed snowpack.  My husband is singing in his big chorus this weekend:  Friday night, yesterday afternoon and today in the the afternoon.  Our younger son and daughter and daughter-in-law are going with me to see the concert.  It's Dovorak's "The Spector Bride", which I've never heard.  We'll be stuffed in like wet puppies in the hall; we'll be cosy, to say the least.  I can't overemphasize the importance of music in our family.  It bonds my husband and myself, as we both grew up in school and in my case church choirs.  I went to music camp every summer.  I sang to my children and they all sing and play instruments.  Our ten year old granddaughter sings in a Girl's Chorus and also all the time and everywhere she can, like her school talent show.  The two bungly toddlers regale us with versions of Wheels on the Bus, Old MacDonald, Twinkle, Kookaburra, Buffalo Gals, Freight Train and the younger's current favorite, The Muffin Man.  Music lifts our spirits and speaks feelings we cannot express any other way.  I believe music and art made us human.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

It is a dark and stormy day, but here we all appreciate rain.  Our sometime next door neighbors have pushed us yet again to have a tree trimmed that is impacting them, and though it is reasonable, they expect us to do it the next day when they ask us.  So yesterday they had their tree guy come over and talk to us.  He seemed nice enough, but when we've tried to cooperate with trimming in the past, they pay $100 and we pay $1000.  They treat us like peons on an estate they own.  We always swear we won't get upset, and we always do.  She called two weeks before Christmas and I said I'd take care of it, but evidently I didn't stop my trip, grandchildren's birthdays and other events to GET RIGHT ON IT.  So they call their own guy.  He thinks we've agreed to pay the total costs for the tree trimming, and yet won't tell us what the cost will be.  Now we have to call someone else to get an estimate, and right in the middle of a trip of mine, a wedding, and a meeting etc.  Mi agenda, tu agenda.  Lots of deep breathing will be required, and my heart sinks whenever they call or knock on the door.  They always want us to do something.  In the past I have checked on their house for them, given keys when they got locked out, agreed to multiple requests to move large hot tubs across our property, give them the name of our gardeners, and in other ways, been a good neighbor.  But it is a one way street.  They clearly see us as an impediment.  The 10 years they lived elsewhere is beginning to be, in retrospect, quite lovely.  I long for their absence again.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today I ran around mailing packages, buying birthday gifts and a sparkly pair of shoes for my outfit for a friend's daughter's wedding.  I fell in love with the shoes, as they look great but are a brand known for ease of walking.  Then, after having lunch with my husband, I saw a matinee of "Vice", a terrific satire on Dick Cheney.  Christian Bale, Amy Adams, Sam Rockwell and Steve Carell are wonderful, and it has compassion for the man as well as anger.  My most challenging project this week has been to try to get a haircut.  My usual person is incommunicado, and after trying numbers suggested by my daughter and daughter-in-law, I gave up and walked back to the salon I'd frequented fifteen years ago and got myself an appointment for tomorrow.  My haircutter only works Sundays, and sometimes it's weeks before I can get a slot, and I decided after 15 years of following her from salon to salon, I deserved a easier situation.  I may regret it tomorrow, but right now I have a photo torn from a catalogue in hand to try to see how improved it is possible for me to be.  Low expectations is my motto.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

A new year!  I my case, with it comes a new grandchild, our forty fifth wedding anniversary and hopefully lots of connections with friends and family.  I'm looking forward to a trip to see a childhood friend, a celebration for the anniversary with the whole family, our son's fiftieth birthday, lake swimming, a trip with our granddaughter and other wonderful adventures.  I hope our government steadies itself and wise heads prevail.  I hope guns are controlled, people treated fairly and respectfully, and everyone has access to the health care and food and shelter they need.  I hope we all recognize our Buddha nature and act accordingly.  Let love and compassion rule our hearts and minds.