Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've just returned from our cabin where the smoke drove us away a bit early.  The fire south and west of us is slowing and more contained, but the smoke by our cabin is enough to make us worry about my daughter's toddler and we could smell the smoke more in the air the minute got up this morning.  Seeing across the lake the trees were obscured by the smoke, and driving down from the mountains the smoke was apparent, even though the temperature was not as hot as usual.  It's definitely a health concern.  We are supposed to go back up Saturday with friends, but conditions would have to  improve before that can happen.  The fires way north are worse, where lives and homes were lost, but there is a pall over the entire northern part of the state.  I'm fortunate I can leave and I live elsewhere, but so many cannot.  I'm praying for everyone, and worried about the animal and bird life as well. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We drove up to see our older grandson yesterday, and had a mellow time with him.  We read, played with a sticker activity set, a soft toy set and then went to his back yard and kicked a soccer ball, examined the vegetable garden, and tried to put together the water canal toy we'd gotten him almost a year ago.  Then we met our daughter-in-law for lunch and when we got back we pulled him in his wagon to the nearby garden shop and picked out plants for his little garden in a wooden box that we'd gotten him last birthday.  He already had two rose plants, and he picked out a tall yellow snapdragon, two strawberry plants, a purple flower and a pale pink one.  We dug the holes, planted and then he watered his garden.  By now he was clearly missing a nap and we said goodbye and drove home.  He's grown quite a bit since we last saw him, and I had a pang about when I'll see him next, as they are booked up.  But I appreciated the simple joy of the garden, planting and the miracle of growth:  the plants and his.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our little grandson is into the night terrors.  First it was spiders, now it is cows.  He woke up last night from a nightmare and his parents had a rough time getting him back to sleep.  If we go to a nearby children's farm, he won't get near the "Cowees" and if you ask him what sound they make, he gives you a ferocious growl instead of a moo.  When I pause to think about it, all four of my kids had fears and terrors, and it makes sense:  it's a strange and mysterious world they are born into, and everything looks huge and is noisy and startling.  My kids had night lights, blankies, stuffies, and parents who shuffled in like zombies trying to reassure them.  And we carry these fears with us like strings attached.  I don't like basements, stairs going up heights, looking down canyons, snakes, and rats.  I know the origins of most of these fears, but that doesn't help.  The fear is primal, and no amount of rationalization can soothe me.  The little fellow is joining the human condition, and it's not always easy.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had a lovely weekend getaway with our younger son and his wife.  We saw many whales, sea lions, elephant seals and brown pelicans.  Yesterday we went to the nearby lighthouse and after walked down the steps to the beach.  There was a seal dead on the sand, possibly killed by a shark or hit by a boat.  I felt a sadness wash over me, though I know nature is harsh.  I thought of how humans have taken over the beaches and pushed seals and whales and all the wildlife away from easy sanctuary.  We surround them and impact them in horrible ways.  That seal has stayed with me, representing all the harm we do to the innocent life around us.  We saw a seal's head pop up in the waves, and I wondered if it was a pup or looking for the seal.  The sea and all in it are so endangered, and we do little to mitigate our impact.  I've been saying little prayers for this seal and for all the creatures we crowd and disturb.  So much of their lives has changed radically, and they struggle to continue on, while we see them as entertainment.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We watched "Mr. Deeds Goes to Town", a Frank Capra film with Gary Cooper and Jean Arthur, for the umpteenth time last night.  I love the extras Capra has in his films:  real faces of real people.  He is populist in a great way that was possible in the 1930's, because millions of people were questioning capitalism and how it had hurt so many innocent people.  Now those sentiments are lonely in the tide of greed and me-ism.  Longfellow Deeds was torn apart seeing his fellow Americans hungry and desperate for meaningful work.  He was soon put on trial for insanity, because he wanted to give his millions to give farms to the poor, but acquitted, because in that era generosity was still something people believed in and expected.  Today there are billionaires giving away money, but still with all their toys and lifestyle intact.  Tax write-offs and awards for humanitarianism.  You can buy those now. 
I just saw Oceans 8, where everyone is botoxed and airbrushed and frozen in stiff little smiles.  These gals are stealing from the rich because they want to be rich, and wear designer clothes and live the celebrity life.  And the actresses are all celebrities, so the movie goers can dream of being thieves too.  What a noble aspiration.  I was super depressed when I got out of the movie.  Nobody mentioned donating or sharing any of their new found loot.  They wanted to live out the only goal in our culture today:  celebrity and fame.  How sad.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I saw "Sorry to Bother You" yesterday with a movie buddy.  It was strange and profound and silly and brilliant.  I can't say too much about it because surprise is important in this film.  But it has captured the zeitgeist of the moment and the paranoia that is not really so paranoid.  Then I get out of the movie and see the headlines of Trump and Putin and it feels like an extension of what I've just seen.  Through the looking glass and all that.  Which is more absurb - the movie or our President.  I'd vote for the later.  Deep breaths.  Surely more people will step up to the plate like Senator McCain and tell it like it is.  The Emperor has NO CLOTHES! 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We watched Mad Max:  Fury Road last night.  My husband likes the explosions and chases and I find myself identifying with Furiosa.  I see why I picked warrior at the Archetypes talk.  I feel Furiosa's passion to save the women from the patriarchy, and that's what I tried to do the twelve years I worked in safehouses.  She wanted them to have freedom and dignity, and she wanted to be free herself.  She's quite a heroine, and the arm being gone just makes it as if she can kick ass with one hand tied behind her back.  This is a culture where half the female population wants fairness and autonomy and the other identifies with traditional patriarchal roles for women.  It's hard, I know, to imagine a world where we would be fully RESPONSIBLE for ourselves, and it's scary but oh so liberating.  Can we take the step?  Can our country be led by a woman as other countries have?  I'd like to break out of this strange cocoon of American females where our responsibility is to be sexy, handle all of the emotional and family life, and work too, while misogynistic males yip at our heels.  Let us be whatever we want and need, without being dictated to by Congress or the courts or the "bosses".  Furiosa is my model.  She defies the confines of what a woman is. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm cat sitting this weekend.  I go over morning and evening and commune with my daughter-in-law's cat.  We have our cuddle time, lots of petting, punctuated by, well, punctures from the cat's paws.  He's quite a sweetheart and cooperative about eating, at least the wet food.  The dry food, not so much.  It feels strange to be in my son and daughter-in-law's place.  I try not to snoop, though I look at the books on the shelves and the pictures on the fridge.  It's got a very nice, calm feel to it.  Spacious, though it's not a lot of square footage.  They took the dog, so the cat is without his companion in suffering.  But he's used to entertaining himself, as they both work, and are busy going on trips and seeing friends and family.  He's like the Platonic ideal of a cat.  And he looks almost identical to a beloved cat we had who died, except this one has aqua eyes and ours had green.  So good natured and self contained.  Dogs NEED you, really NEED you, but cats, even when they are very social, as this one is, don't stoop to begging or desperation.  They grant you their presence, for you to bask in their glow.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

A friend and I went to a talk from a Sufi practitioner about archetypes, and it was quite interesting.  I have another friend who is well versed in theories about anagrams and archetypes, so I was familiar with the ideas, and it was fun to open up and just roll with the exercises.  We had to choose which archetype we thought we were, spontaneously, and I immediately picked "warrior".  Our group of warriors then collaborated on five poses that represented our archetype.  Other groups were "dreamers", "worshippers", "lovers", "rebels", and "guru".  The discussion was lively.  The lecturer thought we might change our idea about what archetype we were by the end of the evening, but I didn't.  He suggested we reflect back on our childhood and see if we found evidence of our archetype way back when.  A few scenes popped right into my mind, and they seemed to suggest warrior.  It's play, only, for me, but fun.  Using a new way of thinking about oneself is refreshing.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I was out walking with my friend this morning and she got a call from our mutual friend, and she decided she'd take it when she returned home.  It turned out that our friend needed to go to the hospital to be checked, as the medication she's been taking for several weeks has been giving her some alarming side effects.  We both felt terrible we'd missed her calls, and I texted her the minute I returned home.  I never take my cell phone with me on walks.  Perhaps that's unwise.  So we've both offered to pick her up from the hospital, and worried about her and whether she would like someone with her.  In a second, the situation changes.  It's a sunny day, I'm giggling with a friend, and then the mood is shattered and I'm worried and regretful.  Even though we were both walking nearby, we were unavailable when she needed us.  Oblivious to the fear and panic of our friend.  Well, we know now, and will try to be supportive.  A little late, but still...

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I had a coffee with a friend from my previous sangha, and it was lovely seeing her after quite a while.  We have similar and views on grandparenting, travel and many other things.  We "catch up" every few months and hear about each other's trips.  She and her husband had begun a trip to Croatia with another couple when her husband got sick, and she had to grapple with his being in a hospital in another country and handling the insurance people.  After four days, they flew home, and she is now struggling with claims.  I insist on insurance when we take a trip, but that's the least of it.  I understand that the best laid plans, etc...  We've been lucky, but as I told my friend, we don't go as far afield as we used to, and we tend to be on this continent.  I'm leary of the length of flight, language issues, and our deteriorating knees and hips and backs.  Anything could go wrong, just walking or sitting or sleeping.  I noticed the humidity back east twanged my knees pretty intensely. 
So.  Another reason old age is not for sissies.  We have to plan with careful consideration, and then keep our fingers crossed!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband and I got on the road early to drive to MOMA.  We saw the Magritte show, and then wandered around so he could check out the new building and see some faves, like Anselm Kiefer, Gerhardt Richter, and Calder.  I told him he would change his mind about Warhol when he saw the rooms of his paintings, and he did.  He admitted they were powerful.  I forced him to go to the Agnes Martin room, then take a photo of me in front of one of the paintings.  He forced me to go to a video installation he loved, but I really didn't.  We saw a room full of Louise Bourgeous spider sculptures.  We both enjoyed the Magritte works, but had seen bigger, more powerful shows at the Art Institute of Chicago and Musee de Beau d'arts in Brussels.  I gravitate toward conceptual art, but I also find Magritte's paintings emotional and touching.  The human is placed in the larger context of universal mystery.  And the humor in many is delightful.  But there is also the strong pacifist message, which appeals to me.  We had a great time getting out of our rut and exploring.  And I came home with a new Helen Frankenthaler book to boot!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm reading a book about James Brown by James McBride.  The author is exploding all the myths about Brown, and first off he trashed a recent film I loved:  Get It Up, starring Chadwick Boseman.  The film is powerful but inaccurate, as it turns out.  I can accept and learn from this.  This book makes a persuasive case for black people telling their own stories and those of their heroes.  I'm happy to be educated.  I feel that no matter what the race, the myths take over with biography, and it takes a persistent genius, like Lin Manuel Miranda or McBride, to loosen our grip on the myth.  So I'm exhilarated by the detailed, complex picture McBride is showing me of an artist I've adored since I saw him as a young teen.  One thing I got from living in the South:  soul music.  Like my parents got jazz from Kansas City.  One of my first LPs was Muddy Waters.  So I'm being introduced to the real, complex, contradictory James Brown for the first time.  And he's so much more than I could have hoped.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I listened to Anam Thubten's live broadcast this morning, and tears rolled down my face.  He was talking about reminding us who were are, of our Buddha nature.  He had the analogy of our Buddha nature asleep and not wanting to wake up, as if it were a Saturday morning and we just want to sleep in a little more.  And he's right, it's easy to access our Buddha nature when in crisis or when caring for small children.  I found myself with infinite patience and compassion when we were traveling with our granddaughter.  When I'm around the little grandsons my benevolence radiates naturally from my love.  I've been expanding that feeling to non-family that I encounter, and feel so much better for it.  For those who are harming others I attempt to feel their pain, and what they must have been through to act in such a manner.  The twelve years I did safehouse work, I could see clearly the batterers' pain, the relentless cycle of abuse, and though my job was to have clear sightedness about how to protect their victims, and I felt therapies were rarely successful in changing their behavior, I supported such therapies in hope and compassion.  Feeling my Buddha nature is like coming home, to who I really am.  I just need an alarm clock sometimes to wake it up.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I woke up at six am with a headache this morning.  Half an hour later I took Tylenol, and then dozed until eight am.  I don't know if it was part of jet lag or the zombie symptoms I've had all week, but I got up, had a sensible soy shake and fruit, got out the door and bought a baby gift and two new nightgowns, came back and walked an hour with my husband.  Then we were off to see Incredibles 2, and we both enjoyed it.  I'm quite a fan of Elastagirl.  I feel like I'm in gear better now.  I also told my husband I've renounced watching Perry Mason.  I'm done.  It's not just the ham handed acting, though Raymond Burr is always great, it's the terrible commercials we mute and the black and white.  I've reached a tipping point.  I have now seen enough Perry Mason episodes.  For eternity.  I have a stack of books by my bed to read and writing to do and phone calls to make.  Yes, I had jet lag, but now I'm coming back from the living dead, and am going to lose the couple of pounds I gained on the trip, eat better, and walk more.  No more slug.  I'm aiming to turn myself into a butterfly!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm really struggling with jet lag after my trip, and ready to sleep after dinner.  It's been a busy week, and I look forward to the weekend, when I'll be free to slug along and adjust to my time zone.  I look back over the week and see that although everything I did was pleasant, it was unwise.  I was pushing myself.  That's my M.O.  I love to see people and can't turn down an opportunity when it is presented.  Today we have our grandson and that is mellow as a rule.  We stroll him to the park and read and play with trucks and look for dogs and kitties and flowers.  I'm usually really ready for a nap after our daughter picks him up.  It's like being on a canoe ride in a calm lake and letting the boat rock you as you look for osprey and watch the fish jump.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I just returned from a trip to the zoo with my daughter, grandson and husband.  Today we saw the tigers eat, the elephants up close and the hyneas lying on their back with limbs splayed.  We watched the fruit bats get fed, brushed the goats and admired the giraffes.  And, of course, we road the train.  That was our grand finale.  The minute we got back in the car our grandson conked out.  He was done.  We were ready ourselves for a little inside time.  I'm going to rest before an appointment later, and then read and doze, no doubt.  But the enthusiasm of a child buzzes in your blood long after, and lifts the spirits like hot air balloons.  I'm grateful.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We've just returned from a fun trip with our granddaughter.  She is a great traveler and sport.  And of course being with her makes everything more exciting.  Her pleasure is ours.  We tried a group thing this time and it was really fun to have a group.  Our granddaughter had kids to play with and more people to interest her.  She was up for everything.  I hope I'm able to take the two toddler grandsons on trips when they are old enough.  We are already thinking about next year's trip.  So much of the world to explore and so little time!