Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We had a critter problem, and called a professional service a couple of years ago.  That seems to be under control, but we still have the guy come out every three months.  Why?  We adore this man.  He's an immigrant from Ghana, and was in a refugee camp for ten years.  He's lived here for twenty years, and we want him to continue seeing us for twenty years.  He's funny, warm, and brings sunshine when he visits.  Yesterday he showed up and my husband and he had a little chat about Trump.  They're both appalled by him.  But the guy was really upset about Mrs. Trump.  He said when he was in the camp rich people used to come to visit for photo ops in their fancy clothes and they had no idea about the lives of the refugees, nor did they want to know.  He felt the high heels were like a woman on stilts carefully keeping her polished toes from touching the ground that was beneath her feet.  I can't imagine what this man's life was, but he deserves better images of his new country that rich people stepping over the poor.  He brings the speech of truth with him when he comes, and we learn a little something.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've just returned from a bridal shower, and with a bonus of staying with my best friend and seeing another friend after two years.  I feel like I've received a vitamin boost!  Nothing cheers me up like friends, and at the shower I realized I've just added a whole new spate of friends and relatives.  My son's fiancee is wonderful and her family down-to-earth and very friendly.  Many of them said how much they loved my son, and that makes me so happy for him.  And yes, I was nervous.  My friend gave me a couple of pep talks on the way to the shower, and a few deep breaths and I was there! 

Now comes a crazy month when many wedding tasks need to be accomplished and logistics fine tuned again and again, but, surrounded by family and friends, I will be fine, and enjoy every minute.  Ah, a wedding!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband and I bumped into a former friend when we were having lunch yesterday.  It was a shock.  We hadn't seen him in many years.  We "caught up" standing in the cafe, and then said goodbye without any hint of trying to see each other again.  We'd been very close at one time, but first they had troubles with their kid, and though we supported them heartily, when we needed some support, they had none to give.  It turned out the friendship was a one way street, no u turn.  I was devastated at the time, as was my husband, but unless we wanted to be an unpaid charity for them, there was no where to go after that.  I felt sad last night, for their lives, and grateful for ours.  We were able to have boundaries that kept us sane, and they lost theirs in desperation.  We were lucky.  Our problem got better then went away, and theirs haunts them still.  It's not fair.  But seeing each other again, I had no doubt we did the right thing to protect ourselves, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat.  But there was a loss, on their part and ours.  So there has been mourning and moving on.  We can't go back again.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I picked up two books I'd ordered of Robinson Jeffers' poetry.  Paul Kingsnorth quotes him frequently in his writing, and I'd not read him for ages, and couldn't remember much.  This is the beauty of old age:  you can reread books and it's as if it is your first reading!  I know a lot of his poems are political, and it will be interesting to see how they hold up.  This is a time right now when people are reading H G Wells and George Orwell and others, so he may seem prescient.  Jeffers believed that people were a part of nature, not separate from it, and I certainly agree with that.  We should hold no dominion over the earth, especially given our destructive history.  We are animals, and dependent on the earth around us for survival.  There is no fantasy planet to retreat to when we have destroyed the ecology here.  I want to look at what is so, and not what some people wish to be so.  I want to be awake to the earth.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My former teacher is having a birthday next month and former students are raising money for a Jizo Garden in her honor.  It's a lovely idea, and I'm happy to give towards that goal.  She has dementia now, and yet she will know, I'm certain, that Jizos represent her compassion and sitting with so many people over the years who suffered a loss:  miscarriage, parent, child sibling, friend.  She was so courageous about sitting with the dying, and not turning away from that painful experience.  She is also a master gardener, so what more perfect remembrance of her  could there be?  We've all been feeling the loss of her sharp mind, and loving her the more.  Our memories of her are intact.  We carry them in our hearts.  Gratitude is essential to express, and while the person is alive rather than afterward.  This project is an opportunity to give back a bit of what she's given us over the years.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I got quite a surprise today when we went to the DMV to renew our licenses.  We needed to take the written test and vision, and I had my form for my macular degeneration problem all filled out.  I was ready to take and fail the vision test, hopefully pass the written test and then have to do the hour driving test at some later date.  But this time my husband wanted to go to a different office, and after my trying to take the written test, and being blocked, the person at the counter did some heavy discussions with another person and in the end, they gave me the license for two more years.  No tests required, as I'd done it all last year.  Last year, the person at the other office told me I needed to come back in a year, but it turns out that was at his discretion.  And now, the doubts that maybe he was being hard on me these last couple of times came flooding back to me with the awareness that my older son was right:  I needed a different official.  He was giving me quite a hard time, which I hadn't wanted to believe. I mean, after all, I'm a nice person.   I'm in shock, because I didn't take care of myself.  I let him bully me a bit.  I have no doubt he felt he was doing people on the road a favor by attempting to take me off of it.  But why did I go back two times?  I really need some assertiveness training refreshers.  So I learned today, yet again, to stand up for myself better.  And today, I didn't even need to, because this office was fair and rational, and they trusted me and my eye doctor.  Lesson learned.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today I visited my almost two year old grandson.  He's a talker!  When we were strolling he said hi, if he wasn't pointing out hydrangeas or trucks.  He's breathless with all he has to say.  Out in the back yard he pointed out the hose, blueberries, tomatoes, his wagon and on and on.  I love it!  The only time I really get to speak if If I'm reading to him.  One book from the library that is his new favorite is about a digger truck and I read it many times in a row.  Language is his joy and passion, and everything he says comes from a place of awe in the world around him.  A pretty good lesson for the rest of us.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Right speech doesn't mean a dialectic of right versus wrong.  It means speech that intends no harm or hurt to others.  So these rallies and marches where there are sides that oppose each other are catastrophic, because no one is listening, they're just screaming at each other.  And because the intention is clearly to incite violence and thereby increase coverage of these events, harm is the intention.  I'm not sure why hate speech is protected, but if it is because defining hate is in the ear of the the beholder, then I see the problem.  In the south, the federal government finally decided spitting on and throwing things at school children trying to integrate white schools was unlawful.  Non-violent confrontation worked in that era.  Now the marches are blurred by differing accounts and the few violent actors who have no real beliefs but feel like slugging it out.  Who is to sort this out?  Not our current president, who admires the violent actors.  He see them as his fans, his fan base.  He wants to be the center of attention, end of story.  He doesn't care what the story is, or if it is true, just "look at me"  again and again.  Congress is uncomfortable, but not enough to be brave and protect our country from a hate fest.  Speak up, but not by violence, but by pushing and prodding your elected officials into taking a stance against hate.  It's not Christian, it's not spiritual, it's bile from the worst of ourselves, and we can do better for ourselves and our children.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've been at our cabin the past two weeks, and boy, did what I envisioned as relaxing retreat become a right speech challenge immediately.  The cabin next door was having a roof put on, but that was not the problem, that was just the unexpected annoyance.  The roofers wanted to traipse through our front to carry heavy equipment, and then, when I reluctantly agreed, the next day the weight and number of trips caved in a hidden septic tank that we didn't even know was there.  A man fell in six feet, but fortunately was unhurt.  Then I had to talk to the roofing owner and say no more crossing the property:  I was liable and it was too risky.  He agreed, but the next day they were crossing again.  I had to confront the guy and have another clarification, that now, no, we did not want them using our property.  They had by that time unloaded the lot, but on the weekend the couple who own the cabin came up and we had to have an hour talk to clarify our position and insist that no more use of our front was acceptable.  They were nice, and brought two bottles of wine.  But next they are doing some foundation work, and we won't be up there, and we have water and sewer lines under that bit of earth, and I'm afraid that this habit of using our property will persist.  I have to let it go now.  I was friendly, respectful, but crystal clear.  But the situation is not in my power to control, and I know it.  I did my best.  We'll see.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I went with a friend to hear Paul Kingsnorth read from his two new books last night.  His work is fascinating, and he himself engaging and brilliant.  He's English, lives in Ireland, and writes about the collapse of civilization under the current policies and pressures.  He believes we've lost touch with our animal natures and our connection to the natural world at a cost that is tragic.  His writing makes you think and look more closely and honestly at our state on the planet.  Amazingly, it's optimistic in ways, and his connection to Buddhist thought is strong.  Now I want to read his work and also that of Charles Eisenstein, another writer who covers similar territory. 
I see a strong connection between Change Your Mind, Change the World and Kingsnorth's writing.  A strange and wonderful week!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm getting ready to go up to the cabin again, but it's hard to pull myself away from people and things to do down here.  There are birthdays coming up:  two of my good friends, and a grandson birthday, and a wedding, and a driving test at DMV and an eye injection and a trip to a bridal shower.  I have a quilt to sew and a poem to write and to select a song for the rehearsal dinner.  Now my blessing is these are all happy events, except maybe the DMV if I don't pass.  So one day at a time.  I have a list and like Santa's, I'm checking it twice.
To counter such buzz up, more meditation is in order, and a sense of humor and a few movies and mysteries.  I can see this through, if I keep my equanimity.  Or when I lose it, refocus and have some stillness.  I'm grateful for my practice.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Last night I went with a friend to see a panel discussion of Buddhist teachers called "Change Your Mind, Change the World".  I was inspired by the hopefulness and wisdom in the room.  Khenpo Tsultrim Lodro, Anam Thubten, Sharon Salzberg, Norman Fisher, and Jack Kornfield were the panelists, led by Wes Nisker.  Jennifer Berezan sang a song at both the beginning and end.  They each had a gentle, unique view of how we respond to the urge to change other people's minds instead of focusing on what we can change, our own mind.  The energy in the room was electric, and I believe most of us left with a renewed commitment to our practice, and with a faith in our own power to change the world by our interactions with it.  I'm blessed to live in an area alive with teachers and meditation centers and like minded people.  My teacher was on the panel, and I felt overwhelming gratitude for his being and how I've grown under his teachings.  A night to remember!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My daughter just called.  Her baby is teething and totally miserable.  I had no tricks up my sleeve.  All I can do is listen and offer for her to come here for a change of pace.  Come to think of it, mostly, with the people I love all I can do is listen.  Last night I talked to my best friend, and she's in agony over a muscle in her knee, and won't be able to have a cortisone shot for a week.  I wish I could alleviate the pain, but I can't.  Sending a get a well card won't cut it.  But I can talk it out and she knows I'm hoping and praying it will get better.  This injury was probably from our trip together, and the walking was too much for her.  It was challenging for me as well, but at least my knee didn't totally collapse, as it did in January.  It doesn't take much at our age.  We have so much fire and energy and curiousity, but the body won't cooperate.  And even a baby's body can do bad things:  like sore gums and wanting to stuff the contents of the toy chest in your mouth.  We can be sympathetic, and sit next to them on the journey, but we can't stop the train.