Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm excited about my granddaughter visiting tomorrow.  And nervous.  I want her to have fun, but not be in the car too much, and have food she loves, but has her palate changed?  It's all good.  I only see her every few months, so all the details are heightened.  But when I see her, it will be as it has been:  immediate relaxation and fondness and joy and just listening to her.  Each grandchild is special in his or her own way, and they all have strong personalities, opinions, likes and dislikes.  Even the babies.  So I adjust.  Something fresh this way comes.  I'm feeling very Mary Poppinsish. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

There is a joke in our family about how we took our younger son as an infant to a drive in movie theater to see "Jaws".  He later was afraid of water and he "blames" us.  The other night we watched "Jaws" and I was amazed to see the film was rated PG.  Not even PG13.  That pretty much encapsulates what is wrong with out country.  My husband said there were no naked breasts so the gory body parts, sharks eating humans close up and personal and the nail biting terror were fine for kids.  Our children see too much violence and then they act it out, as it becomes cool when portrayed by gorgeous actors whom they want to emulate.  I really can't get over the fact that supposedly responsible people thought "Jaws" was kiddie fare.  And we can go around being afraid of great white sharks instead of the sharks in Congress and on Wall Street.  Scare us over remote dangers and keep us in the dark about the rest.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today my grandson would not nap.  Two strolls later, I surrendered.  The second stroll, when he should have conked out immediately, he talked and yelled at the top of his voice like an opera singer the entire time.  He pulled off his socks four times, pulled off his hat six times and chewed on it, and serenaded me.  Pavarotti here comes your heir!  My daughter looked defeated when she returned home, but I did the best I could.  Consistency is not a mark of a baby, and figuring out what's going on is impossible.  But she keeps trying.  I wouldn't worry about it but she will.  Hopefully, he's taking a long, long nap right now.  And she is too!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My husband and I saw "My Cousin Rachel" yesterday and both really enjoyed it.  I was a big fan of Daphne Du Maurier as a teen, and for a long time "Rebecca" was my favorite film.  It makes sense for someone who's favorite book is Jane Eyre.  I like the subtlety of what is going on in the book and film, and that the viewer has to figure out for herself what is happening.  In the process, you see impulsive behavior and words that hurt as much as a knife wound.  Both Rachel and Ashley don't see the other's point of view well enough to understand each other.  That kind of harming is all too familiar to any of us watching:  dismissive remarks and harsh quick judgments.  This film could truly be seen as a cautionary tale of wrong speech, and insular worlds that don't begin or try to comprehend the other.  Tragedy is inevitable, yet so easily might have been avoided if either had paused and reflected before speaking. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I took our dog on a different walk this morning.  She's very old, but I realized she was probably bored with the same trek every day, so we went a different route and I do believe she was perkier and more interested in her peemail and the smells.  We had a blood panel done on her a couple of weeks ago and the vet said her bloodwork was that of a much younger dog.  So she's got more life in her, despite fatty lumps and a growth on her elbow.  Our kids' pets are also old: both our younger daughter's cats,  our older son's cat, our younger son's dog.  It's hard watching them age.  But our dog is very interested in the new grandson, and loves visitors or a change of pace.  We're pretty boring, and the problem is:  we're old too!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My daughter sent a link so I could order some school pictures of my granddaughter.  As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.  She looks older and poised and not like a little girl at all any more.  I only see her every few months, so I was stunned.  She's beautiful, and not quite as awkward as she was.  She's looking directly at the camera and engaging the photographer.  A soul looks out of her eyes, and it reminds me of when she was a toddler and emotion would be caught on camera sweeping across her face.  She's allowing us in again.  She has strong character.  And when I frame the pictures I will have the proof of it.  Ah, this grandmother business is so delightful!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today when my husband and I were at a burger place with our youngest grandson, I noticed amongst his peach fuzz hair on his head one strand of hair about two inches long sticking straight up on the top of his head.  I showed my husband.  Oh, no, he said.  We both had a prickle of fear:  he was going to have his grandpa's hair.  My husband's hair has always been unruly, mad scientist hair and electric guitar when it was long.  No amount of brushing will tame it.  We are praying the signs are wrong and the baby will have normal hair, that is, when he gets hair.  When our daughter, his mother, was born, we looked at each other bug eyed and said:  the ears.  But they flattened out nicely and she did not end up looking like Obama.  So perhaps this is just a scare.  But how that one hair could stick straight up, defying gravity, is troubling.  Perhaps there is a baby mousse or quick set cement that will work!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We saw Wonder Woman yesterday afternoon.  We both enjoyed it, and it's refreshing to have a model for girls that counters all the old boy action movies, with women as accessories.  I'm generally sick of all these comic book movies, though as a kid I certainly read comics.  I read Classics comics like Treasure Island and Black Beauty, and Archie and Veronica and romance comics, but I remember loving Superman and Lois Lane.  The superheroes were as bad as war comics.  I was looking for the romance and story, and not fighting, fighting, fighting.  Because I had a younger brother, I was exposed to G.I. Joe and scary comics, but there was nothing there I identified with.  And there still isn't.  I can hardly stand to watch the previews of these movies.  They are noisy, violent and explosive.  Battle after battle.  I'm no purist:  I love a lot of sci fy movies.  But I love them a lot more after Contact and Alien and Gravity and now Arrival.  I like seeing women solving problems and testing their courage and engaging fearlessly with the unknown.  So good for Wonder Woman, but I am not holding my breath about any change in our culture.  I'd pass out.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My friend and I saw a movie last weekend that surprised us about how good it was.  "Norman" is a story about a Manhattan "fixer", who drops names and harasses people into helping him grant favors to others.  Richard Gere is Norman, and he's amazing.  The character is obnoxious, familiar, sad and oblivious.  He is in a lonely fantasy world made up by himself and he is taken in as much by his malarky as anyone.  But finally all his promises and lies converge and he realizes he is harming people he likes.  The cast is excellent, with Michael Sheen as his nephew, Steve Buschemi as his rabbi and Charlotte Gainsborough as a person he meets who becomes his undoing.  Actions have consequences and Norman has been living in a world where the "score" is his goal, and he's never thought beyond.  The film shows us a world of name dropping and falsity so pervasive that people trust the social forms and the substance is lost.  We've all seen a little of it, at a party or fund raising event or at work functions.  But some people live and breathe the artifice, and Norman is both entrapped and unconsciously harming others.  He can't see the connection between his actions and the consequences.  He doesn't really believe in himself or his power, until it is too late to step away from the lies.  It's a movie that gets you thinking.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I did not go to my writing group last night.  I have a scratchy throat and feel dampened by it, and I couldn't trust myself not to ask advice from the other women:  I felt needy.  I usually excuse myself from social interaction when I feel that way.  Because I hog the time and don't feel the better for it.  I have a therapist for when I'm needy, and also a couple of friends I can talk to.  And my husband was sympathetic last night.  I can't decide if my throat tickle is allergies or a cold.  I know it's not worth going to the doctor.  I've just got to weather it out.  And my mood is low because I don't really feel that good.  So I skipped what is normally a group that uplifts, but last night, was not the ticket.  I got to bed early and when I began coughing this morning I slipped a cough drop in my mouth and managed to sleep a bit more.  Some days I'm not fit for company!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today I followed instructions from my daughter and let my grandson cry in his crib.  He did not quit.  I checked every few minutes and watched the monitor, and he would not go to sleep.  After thirty minutes I picked him up and threw in the towel.  He was subdued and I gave him his bottle and later he had a short nap in his stroller while I pushed him.  He had done well on the weekend with his parents, but he was having none of this new technique with me.  I'll try again tomorrow if my daughter wants me to, but I'll have to choose a better time.  He wasn't tired enough and he had plenty of energy to fight the good fight.  It was dreadful to listen to him cry, but I understand what they are trying to do and he will learn.  But for me it was the first time I'd not picked him up when he cried, and I felt irrationally like a criminal.  Some adjustments will have to be made when I babysit.  I don't want to put him in his crib until he's sleepy and fed.  So maybe a schedule with me is not such a good idea.  He's different every day and unless he's rubbing his eyes it ain't happenin'!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I received an invitation from a family that used to live nearby for a family band concert.  We cannot attend because we already have plans for that day, but I note without much emotion, that this is one of dozens of "invitations" sent over the years where I would not actually "catch up" or talk directly to them.  I'm wanted as audience.  I have been to several of their performances, but gradually I noticed that they never came to my kids' events.  Too busy.  They wanted another body to fill out the room, and I gradually allowed myself to feel no guilt at not being "supportive".  We used to be friends, but now they want to show off, but not engage.  So I take the email announcements as a vast blanket mailing and know it's not personal.  There is no curiosity about me or my family; I'm only a warm body in the room.  My guilt has vanished and I blithely thank them and refuse.  Some people have few skills in the friendship area, and I know these are good people, just not sensitive, or actually interested in me.