Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

We took our friends out to dinner for his seventieth birthday, and though we attempted to keep off the topic, the events of last week haunted us.  We are all families of immigrants, even me, who has Native American stock on both sides, and we fear for our friends and others.  I have many relatives who are Muslim from Fiji, and I'm afraid of what this hate will mean to them.  Already some of them have Americanized their first names to protect themselves.  These are peace loving, kind, good citizens.  They came here for refuge from a dictator who declared only Christianity was acceptable and abolished all Hindu, Muslim and other holidays.  What a nightmare this is for them.  I cannot accept that this is who we are as a nation now.  And a President does not have the right to ignore the citizens for his own prejudices.  I'm proud of the people demonstrating at the airports.  I wish more legislators would stand up for what is right and stop thinking about their re-election and lobbyists.  Now is the time for courage.  Clearly, a lot of ordinary WOMEN have it, how about our representatives stop being so afraid.  Say what is right and what is wrong.  Read the Constitution again if you need to, but dig deep and gut up.  Do the right thing.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Last night our dog wandered upstairs to see us at around eleven pm.  We've been leaving the kitchen door open and letting her wander, but I guess she had to go outside to pee, and my husband shuffled down and let her out.  It's a strange change for us, as both dogs were crated their whole lives.  We did it because the male dog got into trouble and ate things he shouldn't and couldn't be trusted.  We'd always felt bad she was crated too, but it seemed too cruel to let her run free while he was locked up.  Now she is free and seems comfortable with it, and loves her new cushy bed, but how strange it must be for her as well.  We're in uncharted territory, teaching an old dog new tricks and being the only beings in the house for her to relate to.  We want her to be as happy as she can be, but what does that entail?  She loves the walk, and she more often now sits by one of us when we're home, whereas before she lay in her crate and let the other dog be the snuggly one.  I wish we could communicate better, and that was some way to know what would ease her the most.  But then, I'm not sure I know how to do that for any of my human friends and family.  They're pretty hard to read as well.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Each day brings news of the dismantling of our nation.  Hate seems to be triumphing in this new year, and compassion, forgiveness and generousity brushed aside.  Luckily, for me, there is the particular.  My daughter and granddaughter are visiting the next two days, and joy and love fill my heart.  When I think of my family and friends I have my steady compass.  Yes, I am signing petitions, putting up signs and have joined a group hoping to bridge this great divide we have in our country right now.  But when I think of individual people, I know connection:  we are all alike, with our fears and hopes.  Most people are not acting out of intent to harm; they are reacting to their own fears.  So those who promise immediate relief appear to be saviors.  We've seen this throughout history.  And evidently, as my Buddhist teacher has said, we are not yet evolved enough to move beyond our selfish view to a broader view of what is best for humanity and the planet.  Each act that is vision based for a peaceful, cooperative future tips the balance in the right direction.  Let's all be extra careful, kind and considerate with each other to make sure we have everyone's best interest at heart.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

My family is having a communications problem.  We were trying to organize the two days our older daughter is visiting, mainly to see the new baby.  Lots of ideas were floated around, but somehow no one took charge of actually deciding.  This is not a catastrophe, but it means a trip we were taking the second day to see our older son and his family and celebrate his birthday, is off.  I tried to text everyone yesterday, their preferred form of connecting, but that didn't work.  I called our older son last night and he is miffed.  Our older daughter is miffed.  Maybe everyone is.  I've had a difficult January with a knee injury, then a horrible flu, then our beloved dog having to be put down last week.  I don't feel like fixing everything and anyway have no idea how.  Since our eight year old granddaughter is coming as well, I'm feeling bad for her.  Luckily, I see my therapist for the first time in six weeks today.  I'll solicit her advice.  All the family is challenged right now.  My older son, his wife and our grandson have been sick with colds for a month.  My older daughter is divorcing her husband.  My younger son is dealing with a leaky roof at their rental house up north and he and his fiancee are trying to plan their wedding.  My younger daughter has a two month old baby.  Enough said.  I wish we could laugh this off and just see each other without the organizing.  I'm perfectly aware I am not in control and these are very mature people.  Oh, well.  One day at a time.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I've been besieged by actions to take politically since last week.  I've signed this, that and the other petition.  I believe I am going to have to focus on one issue and stick with that, or I'm going to be so stressed I'll be no good to anyone.  I don't want my actions to be about money.  That was what happened leading up to the election.  Each day ten organizations begged me to donate and tried to scare me.  Yes, you can say they were right in that she didn't win, but really, she had plenty of money.  Either the organization of her campaign was not well done, or there were too many people who were never going to be persuaded to vote for her.  The electoral college did not work as it was intended, and her winning the popular vote overwhelmingly did not elect her.  So I'm not going to be pushed around for money or every cause.  I'm going to stick with one organization, as I have recently, and women's issues, because they are never placed front and center, and I'm tired of it.  I'm going to fight for equal pay, childcare, paid parental leave and the issues that cut across race and class and politics.  Families are hurting, and we can do more.  Every developed country does better than we do.  It's shameful, and I've suffered first hand the lack of support for raising four children, the setbacks to my work life, the despair when no good childcare was available at any price.  I've done childcare to stay with my kids.  I've exchanged childcare, begged, pleaded and humiliated myself to keep my children safe and well cared for and fed.  I'm not going to let another generation suffer because our country did not put families first.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Today I had coffee with a friend, as I did with another friend yesterday.  I feel like I'm re-entering my life after the bad knee and then the flu.  Everything is slow-mo.  I went to physical therapy for the first time yesterday and was able to do most of the exercises without discomfort, and she told me to stop wearing the brace, and that feels liberating.  I was afraid to take it off before, but with permission, I now know I can walk without it.  The physical therapy wasn't about words, it was about showing me what I can do to strengthen the knee and my feeling that someone is now monitoring me.  I liked the fact that what talk there was was strictly informational.  She asked a bunch of questions about how this or that felt, and I could see she knew what she was doing.  I was comforted by the professionalism.  Now I need to follow her advice, so I can get the most out of my sessions.  And I feel proud of myself for asking the orthopedist for physical therapy.  I'm getting a little more assertive in my old age. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Last night my younger son and I talked about plans for his wedding.  How happy it makes me to be discussing this with him.  He has been a rock for his three siblings and their weddings, and now it's his turn to be the center of attention and for all of us to celebrate him.  He has chosen so wisely and we already love her.  Together they seem energized and full of plans and ideas.  Even his dog and her cat are pals.  How wonderful it is to be speaking of joy with someone so deserving of it.  He has a Buddha nature and enormous heart.  He is a master organizer and now, for once, it won't be for his work or his family, but for himself.  Just thinking about this upcoming event lights up my world.  Speaking about it is the bestest right speech there is.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Yesterday I marched with my daughter, her friends and three of mine.  Everywhere we went we were surrounded by people:  on the subway, in the streets.  I said marched but there were so many women, children, grandmothers, and men in solidarity with us that we stood shoulder to shoulder.  The crowds spilled out to parallel streets and still the movement was minimal.  We read each others' signs, admired the sea of pink, and chanted, sang and grinned like fools.  We were DOING SOMETHING.  Voting hadn't turned out quite as we hoped, but this march with all the sister marches turned out better than expected, and we were proud, proud that we had come out in the rain and cold to be together to make a statement:  we want to be heard and our concerns addressed.  I held hands with my younger daughter.  Elsewhere my older daughter and my granddaughter were marching, and up north from me a ways my older son, daughter-in-law and grandson marched.  Across the country my younger son's fiancee marched.  In solidarity we marched for women and families and immigrants and people of color and against hate.  We marched because we love this country and we are proud of it's diversity, it's ideals and we want it to be even better.  Let's really put families first for a change.  Let's not leave it in the hands of politicians.  Let's roll up our sleeves and do it ourselves!

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Our male dog died two days ago.  I'd brought him into the vet in the morning, and they decided to do Xrays and after several hours they called back and said he had advanced lung cancer.  He was near death.  So we cried and talked it over and my husband, our younger daughter and I went over and said goodbye to him, fed him biscuits, and then he died.  The assistant who always took care of the dogs when they were boarded cried along with us and told him what a good boy he was and how much we loved him.  We're having him cremated and his ashes returned to us.  It was all so shocking and sudden, except we knew he was old and he was very gray and slow.  He ate right up to the end.  He must have been so weary.  When I brought him in he didn't show any interest in other dogs, cats or people in the waiting room.  He seemed defeated.  Like it had been a struggle to be "himself" and he was beyond hope for himself.  We don't know what our female dog is thinking, though we believe she knew he was sick.  Perhaps she smelled the cancer.  They've been together since they were seven weeks old.  I hope she'll rally and have some good time left.  But she is just as old, and we have to hope she stays healthy for a while, and adjusts to our new, one dog household.  We hope that for ourselves as well.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Last night I slept better than in weeks, despite my husband coming down with the stomach flu, retching and suffering diarrhea, and staying in his study after until 2:30 am.  As one gets better the other succumbs.  Then this morning I took our male dog to the vet, and he's still there getting Xrayed and checked out.  We are in a season of disability, yet I was better enough to drive the dog and take care of what needed doing.  Next I will get gas for my car, and probably shop for fruit and milk.  I hope my husband's flu is fleeting, as so far it seems to be.  It bears no resemblance to mine, and yet where could he have picked it up?  These puzzles will not be solved.  We're out of wack in this house.  We're old and crumbling.  It takes very little to disturb our bodies.  We try to have a sense of humor about it.  Each plan we make dissolves into retreat and cancelation.  Our world has shrunk.  But this too will change.  Because change changes again and again and again.  We can ride the raft bobbing up and down in the river and see where it takes us.  The other choice is to refuse to accept  vulnerability, and that leads to insanity.  I'm on the raft and the river is in charge.       

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

Last night I couldn't sleep, as my hips were sore, probably from walking too much yesterday.  I was so happy when I went to bed, as my cough has really settled down and is almost gone, then I squiggled and wiggled like a fish all night long.  Before dawn I got up and took acetophetimen, and that relieved me so that I slept until 7:30.  I've just taken another dose, having learned my lesson.  My friend just canceled lunch today, so I guess no social life yet again for me today.  And tomorrow I'd better cancel my lunch with my friend, as our dog is sick again and we've been waiting to take him in as the vet is closed for the three day weekend.  My husband and I are sad, seeing the dogs nearing the end of their lives, and it feels like part of this winter pall from the election, my hurting my knee, then the flu I caught despite the flu shot.  Early this morning we talked about our sadness, and wrapped our arms around each other, trying to comfort each other about this aging thing engulfing us.  Love helps.  And even taking some medicine helps.  And talking speaks the truth we wish were not so.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I just had a rambling conversation with my granddaughter.  She's snowed in and bored and I'm flued in and bored.  We sang "Star of Wonder" and struggled through the words to the second verse, discussed what she'd been doing since her school was closed all last week because of snow, how I got my flu, why she can't find the third book of Lemony Snicket, and the visit of her uncle and aunt, my son and his fiancee.  We discussed her baby nephew, and how he likes the stroller and she said she didn't and I contradicted her by telling her the story of when we were in Morocco and how her grandpa and I used to stroll her around the apartment complex to get her to sleep.  I described the time her parents first went out to dinner without her, and we strolled her inside the flat and she went to sleep and was still sound asleep when her parents returned three hours later.  I explained why I thought she would like the film "Hidden Figures" about women in the space program, and she was persuaded she might be interested.  As I said, we rambled.  Then her mother told her it was time to get off the phone because her uncle was arriving and we hung up.  Right speech?  I think so. 

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I'm still struggling with the flu, but my fever is way down, so I'm trying to write a bit.  What I wrote yesterday was confusing nonsense, but hey, I've got the fried brain excuse.  Do I have a theme for today?  Not really, but I am proud that I got a gift card order online for my stepgrandson, and it will only be two days late.  I accomplished something, if belatedly, and it's a gift card for a bookstore, which is righteous.  All my grandchildren are ferocious readers, and that makes me happy.  I was also one of those kids who'd rather have her nose in a book and had to be shoved outdoors for fresh air.  And what I read enriched my life in myriad ways.  I firmly believe it built my character and supported me in the dark times (moving, being the brand new kid, my parents frequent fighting, being bullied).  Books were my friends, my escape and my entry into a wider world than that of my parents, who had a third grade education and high school only.  Because people in books listened to classical music and visited art galleries, I did too.  Because they spoke different languages I worked on my French, then Spanish, then Hindi-Urdu.  Because they wrote poetry I attempted to do the same.  My world was lushly populated with experiences I never had but could imagine.  I wish the same joy for my grandkids.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

What is more comforting than advice from a friend?  I love hearing it even if I know I'm not going to follow it.  I appreciate the fact that the person is making an effort.  And my husband told me this morning the reasons why it's good to have a fever when you're fighting the flu.  So I'm less worried about the fact that I can't get my temperature back to normal.  Often when I hear the advice I instantly dismiss it, only to have it reverberate later and change my mind.  Why not try it?  I'll think.  So right speech can be the whole dance of advice and listening and mulling it in my mind.  Of course, the advice must be non-judgemental and not insistent.  "Suggestion" maybe is more what I mean.  So, as in all other speech, tone and word choice are crucial.  But I am a person who can listen to advice, and feel treasured.  Most of the time.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

I watched the Golden Globes last night and saw Meryl Streep's acceptance speech for the Cecil B DeMille award.  She was obviously speaking from her heart, but was it appropriate to use her forum to state her political beliefs?  Even though I agree with her, I wonder if she was wise to use her privilege to speak in such a place and time.  Right speech or wrong speech?  When Marlon Brando had Sachen Littlefeather accept his Oscar many years ago, was that the right thing to do?  People will be on both sides of this issue.  The clash is that a room full of narcissists in beautiful dresses and tuxes are already out of touch with their audiences.  They lead a life so far removed that all they serve is the fairy princess fantasies.  Maybe they should stick to entertainment and not throw around ART with capitals.  I know they have had struggles and for some it was not easy getting to the Golden Globes, but they do not represent anything but the job of acting, directing, etc.  They are not role models.  I'm sorry.  They are the lucky few.  They are rich and usually uneducated and live in a bubble.  Maybe they are blown away that the public didn't listen to them.  And maybe they should consider why.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

The deluge is here, and many a person is avoiding going out at all.  My husband has his last concert this afternoon, so he is going to have to drive and park, soggy and miserable, to get there and return.  My knee is too uncomfortable to budge, so I'll be holding the fort down at home.  It's a day when I'm grateful for mysteries to read and a new roof.  Luckily, I'm unable to trudge to the basement to see if any rivers run through it.  Our house is downhill from the street high above, so it will be a waterfall on our steps, and the street will be a torrent.  I'm hugging positive thoughts to me like a blanket, and looking forward to seeing some friends tomorrow night at our writing group, which, luckily for me, is at my house.  I'm in no shape to be wandering around, and have no canoe nearby.  Yet this rain is a blessing, and I know it to be so, for the snow pack is piling up and the reservoirs filling and plants and trees gulping thirsty drinks.  Earth needs this.  Human needs are petty in comparison.

Wandering Along the Path: Right Speech

The day after Christmas my knee began stiffening to the point I couldn't stand on it.  Thereby ushering in a two week period where I was in bed for days icing the knee and seeing my doctor and then an orthopedist and finally getting to the point when I have cautiously reentered the world.  I couldn't get to my studio to write, but I was the recipient of a great deal of right speech.  Calls, texts and visits from friends encouraged and advised me, and my husband turned out to be a passable Florence Nightengale, and my kids came through for me.  I'm now able to hobble around with my knee brace and a cane, and seeing, in retrospect the error of my ways.  Too much standing, cooking, lugging groceries, carrying my 25 pound grandson and just generally overdoing it.  The week before Christmas was a flurry of holiday party, shopping, going to help out with my grandson, lugging crab, washing dishes, and not taking good enough care of myself.  I am not the youth I was.  Next year I'll do more delegating, and scale way down.  I'm in that transition between my hosting and my kids taking it on.  A nudge will do the trick, I think.  Anyway, my kids came over and packed up all the Christmas decorations and put them back in the basement.  The house looks none the worse for my absence.  My husband made the meals and did a good job.  I am now slowly resuming some of my tasks, and my heating pad is my new best friend.  I have only to show my gratitude to all who stood by me or rather stood instead of me.  And the rest no doubt did me much good.